Your space, my loneliness.

Here I sit in front of my laptop thinking of what he just said to me a moment ago. I'm not angry, neither do I feel happy or sad about it. I don't know how I should feel about it, 'cause I don't know what he was thinking or how he was feeling when he made the remark. It's distracting me so much that I'm in no mood to do anything. I need a sign. Sigh.
Maybe I don't feel as strongly as he does, since I never had anyone I'm particularly close to ever since I moved into hall. I thought my roomie would be good company, but it ended up that the only company I had then was my laptop and my endless daydreams. I don't know why but tears threaten to well up my eyes. Am I disrupting his social circle? Leaving no room for his friends? I'm not angry 'cause it's only human to connect better with his guy friends, and his life does not revolve solely around me. Neither does mine. But I can't help it, each time I feel lonely I think only of him and no one else. It comes ever so naturally. Right now as the raindrops splash in through the window, how I wish he was here to help me shut the windows and warm my cold wet hands. I really do.
But it's not fair to him, neither is it to his friends. It's not fair that I'm such a tyrant. To want to dominate and demand his presence 24-7. Sometimes I just want to live in a fairytale where the princess only duty is to enjoy and to live happily ever after with her prince. Never happens. Happily ever after doesn't exist. Fairytales give false hopes. I really feel so happy with him, so secure that I start dreaming of our future together. How I should start saving up for our family, how I can design our future love nest, how we will bring up our kids. Seems far, I know, but it just shows how I really want to be with him. I'm not trying to force this relationship to work, 'cause I can just feel it working. Naturally.
So please, if you need the space, let me know. Hint it to me, 'cause being so domineering with everything about you I may not be able to take it directly. Call me a tyrant, but I really care too much. I really don't care if others say I'm over-possessive.

Me vs the wretched ball

Another boring day in the life of ME. Sat at home whole day, half finished my lab report (ok this is just self denial, I merely just typed in and calculated some values on the log sheet using Excel. Didn't even have to use the calculator.) and watched TV. Lazy bum. Wanted to go out but nowhere in mind and no one to go out with as well. I've given up on calling the girls out, 'cause they never seem to be available anyway. My darling woke up late in the afternoon and is staying home for soccer later. Wanted to play Puzzle Fighter to suppress the overwhelming boredom, but the installation CD just wouldn't work. Bored. Feel like go out to catch a movie myself, but I thought it'll make my dear feel real bad and my mum would probably start thinking what's wrong with me going out alone and start imagining all sorts of things. Sigh. Probably try digging out some old VCDs or what. Oh got ¬Á¼þ¾ê later, hopefully that can save me.
In the meantime while I'm filling up the void, I'll just continue blogging. Which reminded me of how silly I feel about myself last night. Had called my dear after I came home last night, but hung up 'cause he went to bathe. Waited up for him, watching all kinds of TV programmes, only to realise he should have long gone to bed. Felt really disappointed that he didn't even sms-ed to say goodnight and sulked myself to sleep. Was so disappointed I think I went all teary. This isn't good at all. I've grown so attached to my dear that I feel I'm getting too possessive, that all his free time should be with him and thinking of me. Well at least that's how I think I'm reacting, if not why would I be so bothered if he's gonna call back after he bathes and when he doesn't be so sad? Sigh. And now I feel I can't compare to soccer. I don't understand how soccer can have such immense charm and attraction to men. This is war! I'm declaring war against that damned ball! But this isn't right 'cause I like the game too. After all it's been said by many to be THE beautiful game. I'm like having a relapse of my split personality syndrome. I'm schizophrenic! I've an identity crisis! My identity as an individual, a girlfriend, even a daughter clashes! I'm going through depression! Severe mental breakdown! Crap. Another case of over-reaction. Never solves anything, but I'll give it credit for taking up 10 secs of my boring evening. Now I'm like just wondering when my darling will call me 'cause he sms'ed saying he will, but I predict it wouldn't be soon. If he's gonna call me before the game, he would have by now. Which makes me recall how I used to spend my time when I was single. Watched TV and more TV and even more TV. What's so interesting to watch? I can't even find a decent show I can glue myself to without having the urge to fidget around looking for other things to occupy myself each time the adverts came. No SCV, probably one of the many reasons my dear never comtemplates coming over, after my mummy, my daddy and pure laziness. I'm like totally degrading him, but doesn't speak very well of myself since I chose him on my own accord. I'm running out of things to write. Ok that's it. I'll go prepare my terms to be fulfilled. This is the last diplomatic resolution with soccer, if all fails I regret but to take drastic measures.

I'm gonna have a brother-in-law soon?!

Guess what? I'm back in action again. Okay, it's not really the case it just a case of bo dai ji so I blog. Hehe~ My dear's beside me studying while I maple, so when I'm resting my character I check mail and blog.
Anyway hasn't been really good for me recently. Worst so far is oversleeping and missing my thermo quiz which is 35% weightage. Still trying to come up with a believable reason to try to get my tutor to let me pass this time. Was thinking of close family friends as a shield, but the only reason I can come up with severe enough for me to miss the quiz is death which is like a bit too much. It's like cursing a friend. But if I don't come up with something good I pretty sure there goes my chances of passing the module.
Damn! My dear just sprayed me with air freshner and I smell like a walking lemon now! No pun intended! Crap! There is a reason why they say don't challenge men with big ego. They'll do anything to you regardless of who you are. Even their dearest! PuiZ! He's so gonna get it later. I vow to the sky above and the sea below. Oh what efficiency I just did. Haha~
Since we are on a pretty cheery mood let me share a piece of news I just got today. I can't really tell if it is good news still, 'cause I'm still in shock I guess. My sis is getting married. Yup, you heard it. My sis, the same one that I used to believe wouldn't settle down so early. And she asked me a very dumb question when she told me the news. She asked me to be there for it. I was like Of course la! I'm your only sister! duh! But I guess at the end of the day I should be happy. My sis finally found a guy she's willing to tied herself down with. Thinking back to myself, I do hope I have found mine too. At least I feel that I've this moment. (turns around to look at my dear) Although he still acts like a big kid right now. Giggles. Okay back to maple.