Managing "Output"

Been a tensed 2 weeks at work, following a sudden tightening of staff monitoring from the lower management. As the even lower employees, we feel the brunt of it all. Initially it was like a battle of the generations, but after practising what we do best at work "communicate" (Note: the "quote" is highly intentionally. For what intentions? it's up to your interpretations.), it became clear we were all on the same boat.

So started 2 weeks of major wayang-ing, to show that we are indeed working our asses off. Apparently independent learning/working isn't really that well-received and effective here. No one see the shit you are going through nor appreciates the effort put in to get out. Why? 'Cause nobody knows. So 'making noise' became a daily routine practice. Whether are not advice is needed, just make yourself heard. And it'll be good to come up with 1 major hoo-ha every week or 2 that the middle management will notice.

I have to admit, I really don't think I'm doing anything more than before these 2 weeks. Fact being that I have already been very packed. "I'm working more than I'm paid." was the quote of the week. Anyway, to conclude output is like the most subjective word here. Who, what, when, where, how is output determined? Doesn't really quantify most explicitly to me. Drop me a comment if you can.

Pain, pain go away...

Goodness. Actually it isn't all that painful, but it's just stinging. It'm talking about my gums. Had my tooth patched up last sunday at the dentist. As my last filling cracked (maybe bit something hard or what, which I didn't even realise), and possibly cracked my tooth too. But the dentist drilled and picked at the tooth and to my relief the crack was considered superficial. But after he was done, most of my tooth was drilled off and he had to go so deep that my gum bled. Don't blame him, cause he need to make sure he could actually save the tooth, otherwise I would have to do root canal.

Anyway the gum seemed to have heal after 2 days, but on the 3rd day it started hurting and bleeding. No major blood loss, stinging feeling. Maybe it's the new toothbrush, my fragile gums from the treatment that day proved that they were still "traumatised". Anyway it's hurting and I hope it'll get better 'cause my next check more than 1 month away and bearing with it will be an utter pain. Literally.

Tuesday raWks!

A stark difference to how I felt yesterday, despite the gloomy weather. The rain can't dampen my happy mood, knowing I don't have to stay back late for work today. *touch wood* just in case. Everything seemed more orderly and smooth, which was evidently missing in the last 2 weeks with all my papers constantly getting rejected. Spent so much time gossiping today that I'm starting to believe there may be a term called gossip therapy that work just as well as retail therapy. Found out about X's little secret from my spy (who also has been spying on me through X). So in return of being spied on, I was entrusted with the little gossip. Haha.

During lunch, we gossiped about the what's been on the papers in recent weeks. The Miss World who-ha and all. It's hard to take in all that written and said considering I knew Claire before, but I can't doubt that people can change or simply hide their true personalities. Nonetheless I'll trust that my friends earn their friendship with me, as I have done with them. It's just paparazzi anyway, who know what's really true? Never realised I enjoyed such small bitchy talks so much. Goodness I've been bitchified and auntified. :P

Confused

Sometimes I wonder what I really want.
When it seems I already have it, it doesn't feel right.
When I start doubting it, I starting questioning myself instead.
Sometimes it seems all peaceful, sometimes everything just seems to repel.
Is it because I don't make enough effort to understand? Or is it I'm too difficult to comprehend?
Then again, could it be that my emotions and intentions are overly opened and readable that it seems I don't consider cirumstances?
When I tell myself to put it aside and try to divert my attention, at the back of my head the images and possiblities constantly flash through.

Maybe I'm tired.
Maybe it is really draining.
Maybe it's my fault.
Maybe it's not.
Maybe I need to try harder.
Maybe I need to not try so hard.
Maybe I need time alone.
Maybe I need time not so alone.

I'm just confused.