Vroom vroom to a driving licence

Got driving test later in the afternoon and I'm still up at this hour! Goodness! Hopefully I'll stay calm (more importantly awake) and drive steadily. Pass it the 1st time round. Wish me luck!

Dancetitude on the loose!

FINALLY got better after 3 days of on-off sickness. Been dancing non-stop lately. I'm now back to the same old days when we were training for cheerleading, DAILY trainings but for Dancetitude this time round. Pray hard everything works out well. Good audience turnout, fantastic sound and lightings and absolutely stunning performance from all of us at Modern Jazz.
Somehow I'm beginning to feel that I made a right choice hanging on to Dancetitude. It's not about the ECA points or learning of new steps and style. Somehow it's the self-fulfilment that the time management and flow of energy that is continuously pumped through your body and mind. I think I'm beginning to understand what the seniors mean by we wouldn't understand until we have really gone through the event. Right now I'm getting very hyped up about Dancetitude already. Right now everything is Dancetitude in Dancetitude out, hopefully it stays till after 19Feb. A highly possible likelihood.
Oh ya. Hall 12 Idol just passed. Yew Hong(aka Baby) won the 1st ever Hall 12 Idol title. Ed sang at the competition too. Too bad I wasn't there to hear it for myself. Not to worry I'll make sure I get my chance to hear it again. He was complaining I didn't ask him about how he was feeling after I knew he didn't win. Hmm. Things seem to be going quite well, at least we are on talking, joking terms. He seems relatively happy and jovial whenever I see him. Very contrasting to the him that I imagined or the cool, couldn't be bothered and pessimistic guy that he claims he is. I don't think it's only me that experience such a difference in him, I don't have that confidence to make such an impact. Now that the filming is over, chances to associate with him are ever slimmer, once again. Guess I'll go back to the days where I'll just peer out of my door, hoping to catch a glimpse of him at his corridor.

26 hours non-stop action

Goodness this is a miracle I'm still alive and tapping away on my laptop. A full day of lessons from 0830 to 2030, followed closely by dance practice till 2230. Back in hall settling DnD stuff till 0000, and started filming from 0045 until 0530 in the morning. To top it all off, I had driving lessons at 0700 until 0900, before I had to head back hall to pick up my stuff. Supposedly ideally speaking I should have came back, packed up and already home by now, but the bed was just too alluring. Simply irresistable.
This week has really been a terribly hectic week. (Just consider the "no-time-ness" that I can't even blog a short paragraph.) Even if I was any freer, I'll probably not have the energy or concentration to write anything constructive or meaningful. Dance practices EVERY SINGLE night since monday. Felt real disappointed with myself, but I'm determined to pick up the pieces and put my disappointment to good effort. Watch out for me on 18 and 19 Feb!
Filming was unusually smooth and effective although it still took a while to get everything done. The heart-wrenching scene of the misunderstanding between Mel and Keith, leading to the intense pursuit and exclamation of their true feelings. Sounds good? I hope it looks looks too. The moment felt good. Being held close to his chest, tightly. Although I was required to struggle free from his embrace, I had rather just let my worn-out body laid on him. He seems more natural now as compared to the first few filmings. I guess me too. More comfortable with each other which is a good thing. Supposedly some credits goes to me for making the chemistry happen. Now my dear piglet sits in his room after this early morning's filming. I wonder how he's doing. Filming was suppose to resume at 10am after the night's filming, I wonder how they are doing now. I wonder if he is taking it fine. His eyes were all red and tired, to make things look worst he was sniffling as well. He seemed so dead-beat that I wish I could just pull him close and let him just rest at ease on my shoulders. To treat him like a little boy and tuck him into bed, whispering to him "Just let go of everything for now. Let me handle it for you.". I myself need that badly too. To be treated like a frail little child.
Well probably that's all for now. Got to get my butt up and about. Pack my stuff and head home for a thorough recuperation period. Ed, you too. You probably can't handle 6 hours of tuition in your present state. I don't wanna see you collapse, so I beg of you to take care of yourself. My body too is begging my mind to ease off for a while and get real decent sleep.

My inner soul calls for help!

Your inner soul is calling for help! You always seem so depressed, lonely, and feel like an outsider. You may have a cold, sad exterior, but in all reality you are hurt inside and bottling up all of your anger. Everyday you wonder why are you still here when there is nothing left? You use to once be a happy, loving soul, but it was damaged by 'them' and seems like it never can be fixed again. However, you have yet seemed to realize that there are people out there that deeply care for you. They secretly have a thing for you because they find you to be dark, mysterious, and full of secrets, not to mention being the prettiest person in the world! You like to enjoy your time by yourself expressing your feelings through forms of art, and enjoy nice quiet scenaries that just dazzle your mind with awe. Your bedroom is basically your sanctuary where you can hide out, hidden from those who gave you all of the pain. Try to loosen up and have some fun! Never start frowning because you never know who's falling in love with your smile :)

What Is Your Inner Soul Trying To Say?
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Cheerleading

It's been a long long week. An entire week of cheerleading and today it's all over. All the hard work over the past few months paid off in some way. Although it wasn't paid through a win or recognition, I believe we were all rewarded by a successful routine. I went smoothly up both times for liberty and did my dances right. Round of applause for all the cheerleaders.But, yes I agree, the bonding just wasn't there. I don't know but didn't enjoy the supper after the performance. Maybe it's due to many unforeseen circumstances that give rise to such a situation, nonetheless next year will be a better year. Doesn't mean I'll be joining next year, but in any case even as a outsider's point of view I expect the attachment still to the event. Grow up everyone. We've got a long way to go still.Let me do some reporting for the Hall Olympiad opening ceremony Cheerleading competition. This year the big winner is Hall VI, taking home the Best Mascot and Cheerleading champions. With Hall VII in second and Hall XV in third. They deserve it. Congrats to all winning halls. Better luck and harder work next year for the other halls.

You are your own world.

The last school day of the first week of Sem 2. Relieved that the weekend is here. Worried 'cause school will start full force next week(with all the tutorials and lab). Anxious 'cause the competition is up next week and our team isn't in its best physical condition. All heavenly beings please I truly pray that you bless them all. Keep them safe and their chins up high. I wish not to see our efforts go to waste due to uncontrollable circumstances. Thank you.
The past few days have been really emotional. But I figured that it was partially because I over-reacted. My ego doesn't allow me to put the full blame on myself. I refuse to accept the full blame. I was removed from part of the routine because I was too short. I can't help it. They can't help it too and I understand. What I can't get over is the fact that no one bothered to note the problem earlier in the stage and make changes. I have been training for the routine for so long and just a week before the competition you just decide to remove me? I know it's not right, it's what Ed's been telling me, it's doesn't seem to be worth it. Being nice and least trying to be nice and cheery. People walk all over you, take you for granted. Damn it. Now's not the time to be irrational! You got to think of the big picture! The competition is nearing, it's not the time to dampen the team's spirit! At least for the dedication Jansen has put in I'll make sure our routine goes through on the 13th. He'd love to see it, whether or not he's in it. Really glad, grateful in fact, to know people like him. You got to do the same thing, Leon. Don't let Jansen down in any way. You've got our support all the while, now you've got to give yourself that support.
Ed, you too. Get yourself together. You will be fine. I swear with my all that should anything go wrong for you, I'll personally answer to them. But, of course, you got to first make sure you remember what I said about being happy for the people who appreciates the effort. Forget those who don't even try bothering. I too have realised many people just do empty talk. There are people who truly appreciates you. Disappointments are unavoidable. I've given up pinning hopes on friends who promised to be there to support but hardly ever do. When all else fails, remember you still have yourself. Appreciate yourself.

Dreaming of you once again

2 days of school already. Seems like I'm getting more rest this week. Intensive cheerleading trainings. Slept my entire afternoon today. Finished my classes at 1230(Thank goodness for it because it's the first week and there's no tutorials). Now rather awake but still I'm more or less decided that I'm missing the morning 0830 lecture(C'mon, give me a break. Who needs to attend a lecture on Unit Conversion? I'm a freaking undergrad already!), let's see what time my biological clock wakes me up.
On monday went for track IH. Last minute notice but the ever "helpful" me still agreed nonetheless. First I was to be a reserve runner, then ended up we didn't have enough runners and DEAR Shu-Ying decided that she wasn't well enough to run(like real. Nice try, girl. Try better acting next time.) so ended she was the one being replaced by YuQing. Freak. Worse still I was placed as the final leg in the 4x400m relay. Came back as last position in our heats. Lousy feeling. Felt all numb in my hands, as if all the blood had rushed to the legs. Somehow I could push myself as hard as I was able to back in secondary school days. But at least I felt better than during swimming. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't actually train as a runner for the hall, unlike swimming. It's like effort didn't pay off kind of feeling for swimming. Forget it, I've got to get over it soon. It's been too long already.
Since school started, he hasn't been his cheerful self. Fell back to the gloomy state again. Tried cheering him up by many means. I don't know if it helps but I've tried. Tried reasoning, being cheerful myself(Kind of difficult knowing that he isn't), encouragements and advice, inspirational quotes and stories. Just hope they helped in some ways. If it doesn't I really don't know what I can still do. Everyday I just look forward to a smiling him. I smile and laugh as if I do not have a worry in the world, but hidden in the corner he constantly floods my mind. Dreamt this afternoon that he came into my room and saw my msn chat window with him. The heart-shaped background. I couldn't see his expression though. Just like the last time when the face of he guy was deliberately left out of view, maybe it was deliberately left out so I wouldn't know. The only way to know is to try. In person.
Okay, girl. This is getting a bit out of hand. You got to wake up your idea. Your priority should be studying now. Get the thought out. If he is to know a sign will appear. A chance would surface for you to express your heartfelt thoughts. Go sleep now.

Raining romance

A rainy day. The mood was kind of funny in the afternoon. Maybe 'cause both of us felt unnatural. Maybe like the director said it's because we don't have a mutual liking towards each other. Sigh. I wish it isn't true. But it felt so much better after that. He was like blockhead that's for sure! Felt like good friends, but I don't want to just be good friends, it hurts to say that. He held my hand, hugged me and even looked into my eyes. If only I could certainly tell myself Yes, it's because we are in love with each other, not because we are Melody and Keith. Sigh.
Anyway this blog is seriously getting very personal. Too many secrets. I need to conceal it further. Until I'm ready to show him everything that's been up here so far. The diary speaks for itself, I needn't say a word at all to express my thoughts. In the meantime, just pray the diary stays private. First thing: remove the blog address from ICQ.
Schools starting in less than 8 hours, it's time I get some decent rest. Goodnight, fairy god-daddy, bless your little angel who's watching over you every step of your way. Keep the cheerfulness, 'cause it brightens my day too. It truly does.

Happy 2005 to my fairy god-daddy

A boring new year's day. Slept the morning away. Watched TV the entire afternoon. What a relaxing day! Boring but relaxing, at least I was energetic enough to watch 8 episodes of Naruto. Nice, just finished episode 12. Slow but who cares as long as I enjoy it. Haha, had a good laugh. Never felt so good, truly good, in weeks. This is going to be a good year. 2005, a year of changes, good ones. Just you watch out! A new me's on the way!
Yesterday night had to be one of the best nights for me. Had a good chat with Ed. He seemed so much more cheerful these few days and somehow it rubs off me. I don't know if i deliberately make myself feel as he does or does it just occur unintentionally. I spoke so much last night I don't know if I overdid it. He said the more he talked to me the more he thinks my looks and character don't match. My character is like those shy shy little girl, but I appear very active and bold and energetic. I don't know if it's something good or bad, having such an extreme difference between character and portrayal. I'll work my way around that. You ,on the other hand, appear insensitive to the happenings around but in fact you care. Too much, actually. So much you think excessively about them, constantly putting yourself in a position where you brood over them and get overly attached emotionally. You said you want to appear bo-chup, I think you are just trying to hide the fact that you care. To protect that ego. There's nothing wrong with that, I have an ego myself that's why the split personality. But wouldn't it be nice if you could just let it go? Open up. I wouldn't mind if it wasn't me, but I would be happy enough to know that you are. I'm looking to love, not to be loved in return. Always been the case. like how Faye Wong puts it in her song. 你快乐所以我快乐。I'm happy because you are. It rubs off. I feel I'm getting to know you better to. I hope I'm right.
Angels up there, please bless this lost boy with the many worries rested on his shoulders. Shower him with the happiness that he yearns deep down. He may not have to express it openly but please as long as deep inside he is will be sufficient for me. I do not need to know it, but let him feel the blessing. That's my wish for the new year. Bless my fairy god-daddy for you are my wish for 2005 and hopefully in the years to come.