Survivor

Last day! Tomorrow at this time I'll be FULLY relaxed watching tv, packing my bag for my birthday shopping trip with my darling!! Wish me luck!

Borat with David Letterman

This Borat guy is ultimate! Crap! Anyway enjoy this episode of Borat with David Letterman.

Brink of collapse

2am in the morning. Still struggling to finish my revision for a paper less than 7 hours away. Haven't gotten any decent rest since yesterday. Had another paper earlier this afternoon. Really quite drained. I feel like surrendering actually. Keep asking myself what's the point. Haven't gotten any answer for myself.
Thanks to all my friends who have been so supportive. It's really nice to hear from you all, whether it's well wishes or just a casual you-have-been-missed. I miss you guys too. Of course special mention to my dear. I've been complaining so much these few days I think I'm now testing his patience.

If only...

Finally received a reply from my prof regarding my absence for a quiz. Not good news. He emailed this morning asking for a make-up tomorrow afternoon. Fine. I can study through the night and hopefully get some per cent for my final grade. Not fine. I don't have my notes at home and the files uploaded on Edventure is "damaged and cannot be repaired" according to Adobe Reader. Damn. How? Emailed my prof just a moment ago, hopefully he'll be benevolent enough as to solve my problem by uploading the files tonight or postpone it again. Or maybe I could pull a fast one on him? I was kinda sick this morning and I finished half a tub of chocolate ice-cream just now, by right I should be running a fever soon or a very bad cold. Get a MC and bye-bye to quiz. Haha. If only.

Depression

I figured I don't have to worry about what others may think when they read my blog, since no one since to be reading it anyway. So here comes the complaining I've been holding back...

1. The jie meis no longer feel as close as before. Everyone seems to be having their own things and own best friends already. In fact I feel it's just me that's been left out. Feel as if I'm out of the circle just because I've been in a different uni and the friends we've been mixing are all different. Hurts more when I knew about them going for shopping, coffee or even overseas trips, with common friends from secondary or JC without being asked. It may seem a little blowing-out-of-proportion but I guess it all because of the feeling of losing close friends. Everything seems a little larger than usual. I'm just sad thinking that in the future I'll be working and when I knock off there's only home to return to. No girls' night out or gathering to ramble about office politics or the cute guy you met over lunch. Sigh.

2. Went for a surprise birthday party organised for a close friend, talked about lots of things with old friends. Realised I've drifted very far from many of them. Suits me since I was never very close to them previously. But missed some of them, the closer ones. We were so polite and careful with our words it felt distant. But it was most saddening when I realised none of them remembered my birthday. They were discussing about the next birthdays to celebrate and it clean slipped their minds. Well blame it that yourself, girl. You've never really found a place in their cliques anyway.

3. Came back from a night out with my dear. Kinda disappointing day out. Not that I didn't wanna see him or that he did something wrong. He's so tired from work he wasn't exactly making any effort to seem like he's enjoying time with me. I felt like I was wasting his time being out with me when he could be back home sleeping. Heart-breaking. There's nothing I could do anyway, I could only tell him You'll understand next semester. Sigh squared.

4. My prof is completely irritating. Emailed him regarding my absence from the quiz due to my interview on Tuesday. The academic sub-dean couldn't approve the leave 'cause the interview was from a self-sourced company, so I emailed him back to ask how I'm suppose to make up for it and even forwarded to email from the company for his verification. Not a single reply from Wednesday until now. If he's just gonna flunk me for it at least let me know beforehand. Damn it.

5. Can't decide what phone I wanna get for myself. This is kinda funny 'cause I'm complaining about myself, being indecisive. Functionality, simplicity or aesthetic value? Irritatingly fickled mind.

6. For once can I keep something to myself? The Swatch watch deal was supposed to be a personal thing, to get a pair of nice, presentable watches for my dear and myself. I had to let my friends find out and open my big mouth about the insider news. Almost got into an argument with my dear about troubling his friends. It wasn't exactly an argument, since it was my fault in the first place. Another complaint about myself. For goodness sake, can I please reflect upon myself and change all these countless flaws? Sighs to power of infinity.

So many disappointing things in life how should I deal with them?

Before I head for the slaughter house

Although it seems as if I'm the only person visiting my own blog, I'll still try my best to keep it alive. Disclaimer: I didn't promised lively. Just alive. Anyway this entry's like a will in some sense, just in case I literally got killed by my exams which is like exactly a week after. No surprise on the fatalities after having gone through 2 years and bao-ing 3 modules already. Sigh. Don't remind me. I'm listening to [Superman] by Green Day. Totally don't relate to the song 'cause I feel like a worm now, considering the state of my revision. In case I do not make it (probably 'cause I vomitted excessive blood over the horrendous exam questions), here's a list of people I'll always remember:
My family, which includes my mummy, daddy and self-centered, irritating and calculative sister, for being with me whether I was doing well or totally disappointed with myself. How matter irritating my sister can get, she still the one that "feeds" me every month. (I was referring to my allowance, in case you still didn't get it. Duh.) Parents may be naggy but sit down and think about it before you start complaining. Recently my daddy has been indirectly telling me what I should NOT do. He was referring to a specific THING I should NOT do. This topic was triggered by my year-end trip to Malaysia with my boy-boy. I guess I don't need to spell it out, we're all knowledgeable people. True, it's sound advice 'cause I'll be the one on the losing side. So how matter much it irritates me that he's repeating it again and again, I'll always curb my urge to shut him up with an I-know-what-to-do tone.
Another person will be my darling piggy. Not referring to the big dirty stuffed piglet sitting in my hostel room. My boy-boy who's always so sweet and wonderful. I'll avoid going into mushy details. I know how it feels to listen or see these kinda mushy, sweet nothings from another couple, the feeling is like eWwWW!!! and Stop it! Haha. I've still got the surprise to give. I can't wait myself!
Another group of people I'll like to specially single out are my long-lost friends. Not just the ordinary friends here, but friends I confided in and have since lost the feel. Doesn't mean we don't keep in contact anymore, but just that it seems like a different friend from before. We no longer share hours doing useless gossiping and bitching, wasting time on the now outdated mIRC, walking round far east with no particular aim, playing basketball every week till my ball was totally worn-out. I can go on and on but I think you get the picture. It's a sad thing but I miss my friends. My "lost" friends. When I feel like complaining and bitching, I don't want to always have to turn to my boy-boy. How come my life can't be like in TV commercials, where friends are always there anytime anywhere, happy or sad. As I quote from a friend's MSN nick, 'Enuff said.
To my friends who I currently know, take care. Most of you should be having exams or at least preparing for them. Hang on! It'll soon be over. Hopefully after that we can put aside some time and search for the "lost" self that some friends out there (like me) are looking for.

Happy Anniversary!

This came a bit late but better than never. Anyway I've ALREADY wished him through SMS HAPPY ANNIVERSARY DEAR!!! 20 months and I'm proud to say it's still going strong. Occasional squabbles and cold wars, but I guess we never had the heart to sustain it for too long or hold the grudge too deep. Thanks for all the wonderful moments you given me these 20 months. I'm truly looking forward to our trip this year-end. Simple but it's all we need. Time together. Your birthday with mine. What better combination for a reason. Hehe. Love you millions and zillions!

At least somebody likes me

Anyway life is fair. I guess. Rejected by Aspentech but received my interview with Shell. Better than nothing. Make sure I work for it. Read up on the company, study my unit ops, explore the possibilities of the industry. If there's anything I left out please be kind enough to drop me a note before next tuesday. FINALLY my U2-G2000 jacket is up to good use. Ha. Time to sleep. Nites.

Worms are my best friends

Nobody loves me. Everybody hates me. I'm gonna go and eat some worms. Boo-Hoo. Bored and lonely. Sigh.

The WorldWideWeb. I'm a trapped spider.

Getting sick. Been going to the loo for like the hundredth time but nothing comes out. Something's wrong with my bladder. Diaoz. Sound off to put in in a blog, that is coincidentally connected to the whole world by some invisible wires. Can anyone kindly enlighten me on how this World Wide Web thingy actually works? Sounds amazing but I'm sure it didn't happen overnight. Anyway attached something for viewing pleasure. Courtesy of ChinWui that sent me the link.

Tag's up.

Okay spent the last few minutes looking for a new tagboard provider. Found it. Cbox. Tag's up again. Vandalise at your own risk. I'm off to sleep. For real. Ciao.

Rejection. Ouch.

Bored. Can't sleep. Got the news I got rejected by Aspentech. FYI it's the company I applied to do attachment with. Anyway not too bothered by it since I'm still hoping Shell accepts me. Pray. Praying hard. Better get to sleep. Bye.

Irritable mode. Do NOT provoke!

Goodness why am I here blogging away at this unearthly hour?! Guess I slept too much today. The fact that my stupid, irritating, retarded and not leaving out, noisy dial-up (the modem is kinda driving me bonkers already), hung up on me for like the umpteen times is nearly enough for me to smash it up. But lucky for the modem it's kept safely under the protection of my beloved laptop. I'll make sure I get rid of him soon. Somehow I'm gonna get "negotiations" through and get my broadband, then I'll be wireless here I come!

Don't blame me for being utterly irritable today. It's just sickening when things don't go your way. First I tried arranging for a day out with the girls this term break, just to get replies of uncertainties. Blame it on the stupid university education which taxes us like slaves even during breaks. Blame it on my foul luck and bad social skills that I can't get some proper company for a day of shopping. Sigh. Second I was trying to decide whether or not I should go for a retreat tomorrow (in fact it's later) in the night after my evening out with my darling, but up till now I haven't gotten my hands on the information I need to confirm that decision. Irritating to be unable to make plans, but that a small matter. The last straw was when I tried to kill some time before bedtime, the stupid connection lags like crazy and even caused my maple character to die. FYI, maple refers to Maple Story. It's an online game I've been sort of addicted to for a year plus already. As to why I started getting addicted, probably due to someone special. You know, it's like he plays so I play, then we'll have another common topic to chat about. I shan't elaborate, it's trailing too far off from today's irritable mood.

There's nothing wrong being a grumpy old lady sometimes. I'm just adjusting between adulthood and teenage life. I have a privilege of acting like a spoilt brat sometimes and be most authoritative like a full adult in the next. The joys of being 21. Hell to those that mock me for turning old. So what?!

Hmmm.. Talking about turning 21, I just had quite a few friends that did over the weekend. My dear councillors from AJSC, Stef, Kaiting and Shou Wen. And another new friend, Huiling, who's Leon's IA colleague. Felt rather terrible still that I missed Shou Wen's party. Agreed to go but the cake-cutting at Huiling's only happened at 9 plus. Wasn't very pleasant to leave before that, I didn't want Leon to look bad too. Well I tried apologising, he seemed like he enjoyed the rest of his friends' company and was fine with my absence. Made up for it with a prompt sms just now at 12am which I promised. Hope it removes a bit of that guilt off me. Anyway after I left the chalet at Pasir Ris, I bumped into the bunch or councillors who were earlier at Shou Wen's. They were on their way to give Stef a surprise. Couldn't join them, didn't really felt like it too 'cause I have not planned for it and I don't really fancy last minute changes. So here's a Happy Birthday wish to Stephanie, Kaiting and Shou Wen! All the best for your future undertakings and don't forget your old friends!

Time for bed. I've been doing myself much injustice from the lack of sleep during weekdays I should make sure I get ample rest this break. And sadly but it's a cold hard fact, to get my work and studying done before term break end.

Boredom

Decided I should add an entry before my "fans" start boycotting me. (As if there's any in the first place. BHB.) Anyway it's been a very uneventful week (and the week before) so there isn't much to talk about. Other than rushing assignments after assignments, quiz after quiz, the level of excitment in my life is equivalent to the lifeline of a ICU patient. (Beep. Beep. Beep. Beeeeee.)

Let me think, what can I talk about today? The only interesting thing (at least to me) is when I'm with my dEaR. Went Sentosa on saturday finally. This plan has been like put off for almost a month, not including the time before FOC which is another story meant not ever to be told. "P Saw the horrendous queue for the blue line to palawan beach, so we decided to give tanjong a try. Not bad, considering we are there for the tan and not the bikini babes and washboard hunks. Okay, I admit I do get tempted to ogle and "admire" the hunks when they do appear but that only shows I have a correct sexual orientation. Hell to those that deny this fact, even my dEaR confesses to it. Haha. The tan that day really shows how long I haven't been in the sun (or should I say EXERCISED) 'cause I was sweating like roasted beef (aptly put here as I'm born in the year of the ox). Never mind the disgraceful details of my laziness. Wore my new bikini. Brown with no fancy details. Mark of a mature lady. Haha. Cheap thrill. It does feel good to look that tad bit more mature, like a lady who's seen the world out there. Once again, cheap thrill. Never mind me and my endless fantasizing, it gets kinda draining if you constantly have to live so realistically.

Which brings me to another point. Why are people making a big fuss out of little things? Take things bit by bit and it'll all seem so much simpler. No doubt many issues are usually inter-linked, but as a chinese idiom goes 迎刃而解 which means, "the solution to one problem will solve another". Miss my old school days where all I had to worry about was where to go for lunch and what to do for the weekends. These days seem non-existence now. Sadden. Okay back to my day out.

After all that sweating, we decided to cut short our tanning session because of an approaching rain from offshore. We were so bored and out of ideas that we found ourselves in Chinatown. Very bored indeed. If anyone has got better suggestions for places to go and things to do please tag me, I'll really appreciate it. Soon got tired and plopped ourselves at a nearby Coffee Bean outlet. Started discussing on a matter I have not come to a conclusion. My 21st birthday. Should I celebrate it or not? Celebrate as in a real party with friends from secondary, JC and uni. On one hand I don't wish to trouble my close ones with the planning and the money, but on the other I really wish for it to be very memorable with people I've known these years and made me the person I am now, character and outlook. Dilemma. People reading this please do put your one cent's worth of suggestions. Should I celebrate my birthday? If yes, how?

Anyway need to restart my laptop 'cause I just updated my iTunes. Do tag me on your opinions.

Glitz and Glamour

Back in hall again after a tiring week running about. Before the weekend, been staying up late to prepare for the Alumni token of appreciation from JCRC and going down to Queensways after school to get the actual award. Had a big dispute with my deaR after that too over something I don't wish to bring up ever again. The only thing I'll say is that words hurt more than an open wound.
As the weekend came, the Hall 12 Dinner and Dance 2006 was the biggest highlight. Special thanks to my dear sister who so readily lent me her dress for the evening (after all my bad reputation with borrowed items "p). Went early with my darling and and to help around with the preparations. Felt out of place due to the fact I'm not part of the committee. I didn't feel like helping out too after all the trouble caused and disputes I have had with my deaR. But I guess what so difficult about swallowing my pride and help them out. They are a group of very competent people, but they just lack in experience, so why can't I just put everything aside? Whatever it is I just hope they stop thanking me for it. Anyway during the event, I must admit I did enjoy myself. Other than a very entertaining pageant, the programme was commendable. Took part in a couple game (sabotaged actually) where the ladies had for answer 5 questions, after which the guys would have to guess our answers. Here are the questions:

1. What's her favourite colour?
2. What's the first movie you 2 watch together?
3. How many ex-boyfriends did she have?
4. Where does she like to be touched most?
5. When was the last time you 2 had a noogie?

I bet you must be wondering what the hell is a noogie. Well that was what exactly my deaR said, but surprisingly he managed to get the same answer as me. His score: 4 out of 5. The question he got wrong? I said I like to be touched most on my back but according to him it was my face. Disagreement. He was sore about the matter throughout the whole night, asking me "why the back", of course it was good-natured bickering. But being together for the longest period of the 3 couples, we naturally breezed through the questions. Okay I admit we had some difficulties, but as least we know how each other would answer. Hehehe. Got the top prize of a table fan worth $50. Not bad, at least it sort of covers my DnD ticket and part of deaR's. Could have won more if not for my missing ticket. Damn. Whatever the case, we became the couple of the night for winning that game. To the rest of the girls eye-ing my man, eat my socks. Ha.
The night eventually went to Elyn and Darren for being crowned the Hall Queen and King of 2006. Seems they all enjoyed their night as the stars. Fits me fine 'cause I enjoyed mine as the star of my deaR. I LOVE YOU DARLING!

My 21st Birthday Wishlist

Saw lots of things I want over the weekend, so had the urge to come up with a wishlist.. *giGGLes*

1. Limited edition red Puma-Ferrari sneakers
2. Samsung D900
3. Levi's Lady Style Jeans
4. I-pod Nano
5. Lord of the Rings Limited Edition collectibles (figurines of characters and places, miniature weapons, etc.)
6. Piglet collectibles
7. Man Utd Jersey (yes the AIG one..)
8. Movie passes

I'll constantly including more items (and updating the old ones with details.. hehe~) Fulfils my own craving. Probably acts like my shopping list for the rest of 2006. Cheerios~!

Ready to switch off... permanently

Here's my update for you, SiaoWen! Anyway I sound happy because I feel wanted and noticed that someone actually wants to know what's happening in my life. Makes me feel important and worthy of my existence. Actually been in the dumps these recent few weeks due to many kinds of reasons. Dealing with many kinds of changes and personally I don't like them, well at least those that I'm experiencing currently. Let's start with my main focus of life now, studies. Hasn't been easy adjusting to the new semester. Modules are getting harder and harder to understand and help is getting lesser and lesser. I don't blame the system of leaving us to solve our own problems. Just that I feel incompetent to take on this phase of my studying life. I'm taking a freaking 26AUs semester, inclusive of a 6hours lab session each week. On top of that I'm currently required to source for my IA company with a deadline of less than 2 weeks. How the hell am I suppose to get a response from the company so soon?! DEMAND a response? Crazy administration.

Anyway the 2nd thing that has been bothering me is life in hall. Feeling more and more redundant in hall. It's like my presence doesn't make a difference anymore. It's as if my involvement in hall activities is hindering the passing on of the torch, the hogging on to authority and responsibilities. Don't they understand that it's a difficult choice we are making by letting go? It's a choice we may regret not taking some years later. It's our 3rd year, and unofficially our last year of involvement in any major hall events as organisers, following that it'll be FYP, graduation and working life starts. We'll never get a chance again to organise these big scale events on the basis of pure interest and with such allowance for learning. Working life is not for learning, mistakes are strongly penalised and you'll be severely judged for every action and word. Maybe I sound pessimistic, but at least I'll be prepared for a worst case senario anytime. Anyway I still haven't found my answer for whether my involvement is beneficial or an obstacle, to what we apparently aim for, to continuity? If anyone knows please kindly enlighten me, if not this will only end up in isolating myself and eventually drifting away and forgetting why I enjoyed hall so much previously.

Last, but certainly not the least important, is my personal life. In fact it should be of utmost concern of the different changes I'm experiencing. It's weird being in a people-filled hall, but when it comes to dinner time, you've never felt lonelier. It's not that friends are not around but you just feel the absence of people important to you. Well in my case HE's missing. It's a void I can't help feeling after (erm...) almost 1 year plus of hall life with him around all the time. To say that life goes on isn't wrong, but the feeling of having his company almost every day as compared to phonecalls and smses are just unmatchable. Here I am caught in a dilemma of letting him know his absence makes a difference to my life and not making worry about whether I'm able to adjust well. The matter is worsen when I'm made to seem like the insensitive and self-centered one. The feeling is not restricted to just him, as in it's being insensitive to any other person around us. Often than not, we end up in unpleasant situation over people or matter totally irrelevant to us. Hurt in there but who will know how much it does? A simple event that we both hold dear to because of very similar reasons, can be the spark of a very heated discussion. How can something with so many beautiful memories for us cause so much dispute between us as well? I don't understand. I guess why take the hard road when I had to do was to let go, give up and all my problems now will be over.

Viral & Germs Outbreak!

Been out for the weekend from a very bad state. Ran a 37.9 degrees fever (which I'm pretty sure was much higher before I reached the doc's like sweating pig), caught a flu (still recovering), had a cough (now with phlegm) and developed a sore throat (just recovered). Luckily 'cause I had to start work today at CommunicAsia. Stood for hours in the air-conditioned exhibition hall registration area. If I hadn't recovered enough I'll probably see myself fainted in less than a couple of hours. But my poor darling wasn't so lucky. He caught my virus and is running a 38.5 degrees fever now. Hope he's resting well now. Not even in the mood to watch soccer now. Feel so bad. He took care of me over the weekend while I was in hall. Took me to see the doctor's, made sure I ate my medicine and slept early, and now he's sick and I can't be there to take care of him. bOOhOo!!! I feel terrible. Sorry dear... You could have been working too but I had to pass you my virus. Hope you get well soon. I'll look for you on friday after work officially ends. I'd better rest too, work continues tomorrow.

World Cup fever

Just finished watching my 2nd World Cup match for 2006. England vs Trinidad & Tobago. Been a very pekcek match until the last 10 mins where Crouch (probably to redeem his lousy performance for most of the match) and Gerrard (simply beautiful) scored. But really the person that caught my eye was Beckham. Very reliable player. No outstanding performance but always there and steady. Quoted from someone, He's in Real Madrid. He has to be good. Even if he's not he will be forced to be. Too many good player on a team that being good is just being the norm. Whatever the case the last 10 mins made the match worth it to watch. If not I'll be complaining here more than praising the players. The people I'll curse most is probably Crouch and especially Lampard. Lampard is so disappointing today. So many off-target shots. If not for your pretty face I would have long condemned you. Crouch saved himself by getting in the first goal, but still it can't beat Gerrard beautiful second which sealed the results at the 91st min. Cheerios to Terry too for the spectacular clearance, without it, England would have been devastated with a scoreboard of 1 down.

Managed to catch the fever thanks to my wonderful antenna in hall that is receiving the indonesian channel SCTV. Despite the bad cold I'm having now, I wouldn't mind catching an extra fever to go along. Long live the beautiful game!

Playing A Game Called Pretend

Saw the euphonium on tuesday afternoon. Exorbitant prices. Really. Saw one that cost 8k! Supposed to be the newest of the three displayed and mind you there is a newer one not available there! Phew! Goodness, I wondering how long I'll take to save up enough to get a decent one for him, years probably looking at the way I spend. BUT! I'll still try. Wich me luck!

Anyway before that we went for lunch at Tanjong Pagar Food Centre. Not bad la, just a lot of office crowd. Quite lucky to get an empty table, so managed to do as we planned: Eat peanut ice kacang. Funny thing is he asked if I would be angry that he brought me to such a lok place for lunch. Why would I? Silly boy really. Probably 'cause we're too used to eating at nice, comfy and expensive places, not good, should change. Taken the first step so I guess it would be long before we start spending less on food and more on other stuff. Had some quiet time at Istana Park. Okay it wasn't exactly quiet time, since there was a bunch of workers there at the park building some metal structure thingy that I cant make out. Whatever the case, saw a nice restaurant cum bar there which we both agreed it had nice ambience and decor. Must try it out some time soon. Went for movie after that. <>. The idea of the story is quite fresh, but I just hate the ending. It's like the scriptwriter can't decide and left it hanging there for us to guess. Some open endings are good for certain stories, but I hate it when it's for sad stories. I'm a happy-ever-after kinda person, stories where good guys succeed and bad guys suffer may be cliche but it works well for me. Probably because such scene rarely happens in real life, so why deprive us of these fantasies in our play-pretend world? Actors and actresses are supposed to be what we wish and never could be in the real world, that's why stories like Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter are big hits. Same goes with Love, actually and even adaptations like A Beautiful Mind. This purely because such things rarely and some never will ever happen to us that's why we watch them. We yearn the unattainable, that's human.

Okay, that's enough for tonight. It's time for Ms Think-too-much to get back to her books. French books to be exact. Exams is in less than 11 hours. Better do some last minute struggling, before I go into the exam hall for 2.5 hours of unfamiliar language.

Independence vs Attachment

Late in the night, feel like sleeping but don't want to. It's a case of my body and mind in conflict again. But as usual my mind rules over my suffering body. My face is now covered with pimple cream, whether it works or not is a big mystery, but for the sake of giving myself the excuse of "Yes, I tried salvaging my rotting face", I'll still use it. I'm looking forward to later. Go for my job briefing which equates to money. Go out with my dear which equates to nice lovey-dovey moments (Please try not to puke, jan.) and stress relief.

Need to get him a pair of nice leather shoes. But he probably wouldn't let me pay for them. Ego. MCP thinking. But I'm not complaining, I get driven home for that reason. Suits me. Haha. Talked about him wanting an euphonium (not sure how it's spelt but I think it should be right), slipped my tongue. I wasn't supposed to let him know I have the intention to get it, 'cause I need him to show him which particular model or brand he liked. Darn my big mouth. I bet he'll get suspicious next time I ask him to show me the one he likes, 'cause he already warned me just now not to get it. His reason being that it's too expensive. A good euphonium can well cost a few Ks. Probably that's the reason why he never really got it. Initially wanted to get him a new snooker cue after he broke his during IHG. He was pretty upset, especially after they lost. Sigh. But once again it was a matter of me not knowing how to judge a good cue. Need help!!! Anyone!!! But before I seek help I guess I should work harder on my "Save the Leon" fund. No funding, no surprise. Simple task, just eat less lor, I need to slim down anyway, growing horizontally already.
Come to think of it, my life has pretty much been revolving around him ever since we got together. Is this healthy? Doesn't right? But put it in a good way, it's been more than a year, I guess at least it proves the relationship is still going strong and likely to stay this way. But something he said struck me just now. When I asked if his family liked me, he said his sis kinda expressed she does as she found me more independent and less sticky. Does that mean independent ladies are more appealing in a general sense? Or could it be just a individual sentiment? I was told a while ago by JM that I shouldn't be too clingy, as he feels space should be given. I agree but sometimes I just unwittingly stick to him. I'll work on that. Anyone with any opinions on that please tag or leave me a note. Getting tired. Going to sleep. Nite~.

Sighs

Bad week for me. Why? 1 reason. I buang-ed 2 modules. 7 AUs in total. Sigh. But getting it into my head already, still adjusting to the fact and making plans for the coming semester to make up for the mess-up. Hope things will get better. Sighs.

Felt so lousy just now. Am I really that demanding? Overly possessive? Over-reliant? I don't know but it just felt lousy. No freedom that's what I was told. I guess it's true what my sis said Never invade a man's space. She didn't mean it in this particular context then, just referring to his room literally. Sigh. Bad week. Almost had a heated debate over a unrelated person. Feel so drained sometimes from the sudden change in mood and attitude. I never really scored at the guessing game and it doesn't make anything easier when I'm constantly required to guess his thoughts. Whatever the case, I'll just leave him his space. Let him decide when he has space for me. Sigh.

Reminiscising & staying practical

Bored. What's new? It's been like so for the past month or so. Thought of asking CK & gang out to Sentosa tomorrow but heard from YH that the guys are mostly busy now. Cut that idea. Stayed home played sudoku, went out visited my sis's new place in SengKang and at least I had my dear to accompany for an afternoon. Felt so bad just now, 'cause I made him wait for me for almost an hour at Rivervale Mall (Don't think about going there if you are bored. It'll just make matters worse.) 'cause didn't know my sis would take that long at the flat. Luckily managed to humour him enough to ease the pekcek-ness. Harhar.
Whatever the case, Woody and Buzz will save the day! To infinity and beyond! and There's a snake in my boot! never fails to make me laugh. My favourite animated movie series ever! Long live Toy Story! Makes you wonder maybe there really another world that comes to life when we are not around. Maybe not that outrageous as to cause a chaos on a busy street. But who knows maybe my baby piglet wakes up in the middle of the night and talks to my snoopy bolster? Whatever. I'm too old for this, but still I will never agree to people who say toys are only for kids. We can grow up with them and grow old with them too. It's not about its functionality as a toy anymore but as a memory. I'll never throw out my piglet even if it's all greyish already. It's a birthday gift my sis bought me with her first pay. It's definitely worth the keeps. Toys like my old worn-out basketball which my secondary schoolmates bought me will always stay (even though it's just sitting there unusable already). Photos that have been scribbled on (Thanks to Grace H.) are just some items that serve no practical use other than mementos and of sentimental values. They mark the many friends that came and left footprints (sounds familiar to Joycelyn, Cass & HQ?) in each part of our lives. I like thinking back on old times. Met my girl friends on friday for a chocolate fondue session, felt so good although we see each other less than 10 times a year. Went for a primary school classmate's 21st birthday on saturday, felt nice and warm when her mum came to us remembering us and saying how much we've grown since then. Looking forward to working at CommunicAsia with my council budds in a couple of weeks' time. It's not rare to see me get sentimental and soft whenever I talk of old friends especially meeting up after such a long void. Okay I'll stop it. In case anyone's getting bored and for the sake of those that continued reading after all that korean-drama-styled story-telling.
Been so bored lately I'm clicking on paid-to-click links. See the 3 links there? Those are the websites that offer paid-to-do surveys and paid-to-click/review/promote links. If you are bored enough you can join me, but of course by clicking that you are what they call being my downline. Sounds MLM? Seems like it to me too, but who cares as long as I'm not paying a cent and getting paid for it, I don't care if someone is earning from my clicking as well 'cause I ain't making any loss anyway. Sound so shrewd but that's life. I call it being street-smart, not to get eaten in this very practical world. Screw it. I'm getting back to my sudoku. Ta~.

Weeney whiney woo

I'm like totally in-the-dumps with blog skins. Even with guides I'm like still totally lost. I'll never understand where to paste what codes. I think I'll stick to the extreme basics - just writing. Blogging not really my cup of tea, considering my patience (if I have any) and the power of my language. The hits my blog will ever get is probably from myself which gets me wondering "why am I still writing?", dumb right? French is so totally killing me. Why can't the French get decided on whether they want to start adding, multiplying or just follow the norm? Who counts 80 as 4x20 and if you can count 22 as 20+2 why can't you do the same for 11 to 16? This is so confusing, can't believe there are people who actually study language. I guess they're just trying to explain the folly their French ancestors made. I'm just whining so don't bother too much about me. I think I'll stick to gaming rather than irritating the shit out of people with my complaining. Bye.

Je joue pour love united

Just watch the vid Jan had up on her blog. The one by Love United 4 years back during World Cup 2002. This are the simple videos that really touch the heart. Watched it twice, almost had the urge to watch it again. Makes me feel like wanting to help the people suffering, especially the kids. I guess the point of getting renowned soccer players from different nations to support is a great thing. These players are like the symbols of health which people suffering yearn to be like. Even people like me, healthy and complaining still, yearn the recognition they receive in their field. Support the fight against AIDS. Je joue pour love united. Here's the video:



BTW Jan you gotta make up ur mind. Santa Cruz or Lampard? Don't be so greedy k? 'Cause after that video Lampard seems rather attractive to me. *drooling*

Getting old... but still young enough to bitch!

Back in hall. Time to get down to some decent blogging. (Compliments to the complaints from Ms Cockroach about seeing "Here I sit in front of my laptop" too many times) Had a record time get-together sess with the girls on Thursday night. Sadly it's a 4 minus 1 situation again. Can't blame Wen though, busy girl. At first I though we would be like kinda awkward like don't know what we can talk about. When I got to Spizza I was like "pls don't let it be like what I imagine", 'cause we were sorta being so ke qi with each other. So unlike us. The shou until lan girl friends. Situation got better at coffee bean. Guess it was the more relaxed and less chilly evnironment. So many things jus spontaneously popped out. Felt like we were back in secondary school days when we could bitch-ed almost on a daily basis. It's not like I advocate the action of bitch-ing. I CLEARLY believe it's harmful when in heavy dosage. It's like social drinking, instead I do social bitch-ing. Keeps me young at heart and alert in the mind. Talked about old times like we always do which we never seem to get sick of. Discussed about what we may be doing in future, although I wasn't much of a contributor for that being still the usual clueless me. Not a very good planner in terms of my future. I know what I want in future but probably that's all I have in mind. No concrete plans as to how I'm gonna get there, just plain studying for now. Kinda blind, but for now just take my excuse that I'm waiting for IA to plan my life after graduation k? Jan asked some pretty awkward questions regarding me and dEaR. About whether he ever had "those" urges. I'm like "C'MON GIRL! How am I suppose to answer that?!" Guys his age are definitely curious and we've been very close emotionally. I too can't deny my "curiosity", we try to fulfil our curiosity but of course there are areas we avoid venturing. We aren't ready to take the responsibilities yet. Jan, maybe you'll find that I'm much more open than I used to be but I guess it's because of the person I'm with now. The willingness comes with the trust and commitment we give to each other. Sounds serious but we ever do talk about being together as in being real legal family. Haha. Suddenly thought of what we used to say in JC when we were the only 2 unattached of us 4. We were like guessing who would be the 1st to tie the knot and I remembered being the 1st suspect as I was like so unlikely to get attached to ANY guy. I'll probably whack their bottoms upside down before they could even try to get near me. In any case should any of us have any new progress gotta update each other ASAP k? *hiNT HinT* I want to be in the jie mei tuan!
But got so tired after the long night that all of us craved for supper. (Blame the lousy suggestion of Spizza. I wonder who came up with that idea.) Chomp chomp supper is superb. Cheap and good. Next time must go again. Didn't expect that we could last 8 hours just talking and eating. Record time really. Took a walk home with Jan and YY. Feels so relaxed and it's like something that we would do in the future when we are working. A girls' night out for the drained and weary mind and body. Let's do this again soon k? Don't forget the trip k?
BTW Happy belated birthdaY Zhao Cai Mao! Got invited to her party on Saturday. A belated celebration at her place in Sembawang. Took the opportunity to chat with some councillors that I lost touch with for quite a while. Anyway CK ah, go taiwan never inform me, good lor! Scared I ask you to buy me souvenirs? Haha. Taiwan must visit it one day. Go there shop till I drop.
Visited my dEaR after that. Got questioned by the councillors why I was going over at such a late hour. Can't really answer. "P Probably just wanted to see him and I originally had plans to meet him until he remembered Liverpool was playing again West Ham United for FA Cup final. Maybe it was an act to make him feel lousy for pushing aside our supper appointment for stay-home soccer. Haha evil me. Anyway I was glad he was happy to see me. Just worried his parents didn't really like me coming around so late. This time round I could comfort myself with the excuse that I wanted to watch soccer too, but I guess I should avoid doing it again. Point noted.
Ok it's time I get to bed and rest, wouldn't want my dEaR to worry about me. Anyway I'm still nursing a cough and sore throat, so wouldn't hurt to rest more. Goodnight!

Your space, my loneliness.

Here I sit in front of my laptop thinking of what he just said to me a moment ago. I'm not angry, neither do I feel happy or sad about it. I don't know how I should feel about it, 'cause I don't know what he was thinking or how he was feeling when he made the remark. It's distracting me so much that I'm in no mood to do anything. I need a sign. Sigh.
Maybe I don't feel as strongly as he does, since I never had anyone I'm particularly close to ever since I moved into hall. I thought my roomie would be good company, but it ended up that the only company I had then was my laptop and my endless daydreams. I don't know why but tears threaten to well up my eyes. Am I disrupting his social circle? Leaving no room for his friends? I'm not angry 'cause it's only human to connect better with his guy friends, and his life does not revolve solely around me. Neither does mine. But I can't help it, each time I feel lonely I think only of him and no one else. It comes ever so naturally. Right now as the raindrops splash in through the window, how I wish he was here to help me shut the windows and warm my cold wet hands. I really do.
But it's not fair to him, neither is it to his friends. It's not fair that I'm such a tyrant. To want to dominate and demand his presence 24-7. Sometimes I just want to live in a fairytale where the princess only duty is to enjoy and to live happily ever after with her prince. Never happens. Happily ever after doesn't exist. Fairytales give false hopes. I really feel so happy with him, so secure that I start dreaming of our future together. How I should start saving up for our family, how I can design our future love nest, how we will bring up our kids. Seems far, I know, but it just shows how I really want to be with him. I'm not trying to force this relationship to work, 'cause I can just feel it working. Naturally.
So please, if you need the space, let me know. Hint it to me, 'cause being so domineering with everything about you I may not be able to take it directly. Call me a tyrant, but I really care too much. I really don't care if others say I'm over-possessive.

Me vs the wretched ball

Another boring day in the life of ME. Sat at home whole day, half finished my lab report (ok this is just self denial, I merely just typed in and calculated some values on the log sheet using Excel. Didn't even have to use the calculator.) and watched TV. Lazy bum. Wanted to go out but nowhere in mind and no one to go out with as well. I've given up on calling the girls out, 'cause they never seem to be available anyway. My darling woke up late in the afternoon and is staying home for soccer later. Wanted to play Puzzle Fighter to suppress the overwhelming boredom, but the installation CD just wouldn't work. Bored. Feel like go out to catch a movie myself, but I thought it'll make my dear feel real bad and my mum would probably start thinking what's wrong with me going out alone and start imagining all sorts of things. Sigh. Probably try digging out some old VCDs or what. Oh got ¬Á¼þ¾ê later, hopefully that can save me.
In the meantime while I'm filling up the void, I'll just continue blogging. Which reminded me of how silly I feel about myself last night. Had called my dear after I came home last night, but hung up 'cause he went to bathe. Waited up for him, watching all kinds of TV programmes, only to realise he should have long gone to bed. Felt really disappointed that he didn't even sms-ed to say goodnight and sulked myself to sleep. Was so disappointed I think I went all teary. This isn't good at all. I've grown so attached to my dear that I feel I'm getting too possessive, that all his free time should be with him and thinking of me. Well at least that's how I think I'm reacting, if not why would I be so bothered if he's gonna call back after he bathes and when he doesn't be so sad? Sigh. And now I feel I can't compare to soccer. I don't understand how soccer can have such immense charm and attraction to men. This is war! I'm declaring war against that damned ball! But this isn't right 'cause I like the game too. After all it's been said by many to be THE beautiful game. I'm like having a relapse of my split personality syndrome. I'm schizophrenic! I've an identity crisis! My identity as an individual, a girlfriend, even a daughter clashes! I'm going through depression! Severe mental breakdown! Crap. Another case of over-reaction. Never solves anything, but I'll give it credit for taking up 10 secs of my boring evening. Now I'm like just wondering when my darling will call me 'cause he sms'ed saying he will, but I predict it wouldn't be soon. If he's gonna call me before the game, he would have by now. Which makes me recall how I used to spend my time when I was single. Watched TV and more TV and even more TV. What's so interesting to watch? I can't even find a decent show I can glue myself to without having the urge to fidget around looking for other things to occupy myself each time the adverts came. No SCV, probably one of the many reasons my dear never comtemplates coming over, after my mummy, my daddy and pure laziness. I'm like totally degrading him, but doesn't speak very well of myself since I chose him on my own accord. I'm running out of things to write. Ok that's it. I'll go prepare my terms to be fulfilled. This is the last diplomatic resolution with soccer, if all fails I regret but to take drastic measures.

I'm gonna have a brother-in-law soon?!

Guess what? I'm back in action again. Okay, it's not really the case it just a case of bo dai ji so I blog. Hehe~ My dear's beside me studying while I maple, so when I'm resting my character I check mail and blog.
Anyway hasn't been really good for me recently. Worst so far is oversleeping and missing my thermo quiz which is 35% weightage. Still trying to come up with a believable reason to try to get my tutor to let me pass this time. Was thinking of close family friends as a shield, but the only reason I can come up with severe enough for me to miss the quiz is death which is like a bit too much. It's like cursing a friend. But if I don't come up with something good I pretty sure there goes my chances of passing the module.
Damn! My dear just sprayed me with air freshner and I smell like a walking lemon now! No pun intended! Crap! There is a reason why they say don't challenge men with big ego. They'll do anything to you regardless of who you are. Even their dearest! PuiZ! He's so gonna get it later. I vow to the sky above and the sea below. Oh what efficiency I just did. Haha~
Since we are on a pretty cheery mood let me share a piece of news I just got today. I can't really tell if it is good news still, 'cause I'm still in shock I guess. My sis is getting married. Yup, you heard it. My sis, the same one that I used to believe wouldn't settle down so early. And she asked me a very dumb question when she told me the news. She asked me to be there for it. I was like Of course la! I'm your only sister! duh! But I guess at the end of the day I should be happy. My sis finally found a guy she's willing to tied herself down with. Thinking back to myself, I do hope I have found mine too. At least I feel that I've this moment. (turns around to look at my dear) Although he still acts like a big kid right now. Giggles. Okay back to maple.

Dancetitude 2005 on 18 and 19Feb

SERIOUSLY burnt out now man! Like a flickering candle flame, dried up waterhole, an ice cube beneath the scorching sun, a cellphone beeping low batt...
WHY? Normal classes already damn siong liao, plus the additional projects(stupid CH1010). Upsize that with my hall activities (serves myself right, gek kiang join so many things). Oh! Top that off with a dressing of Modern Jazz(really the max already, practising EVERY night).
Okay enough of the complaining. I've been complaining in almost every blog and journal entry since the holidays started last semester. Better get something more constructive done, like planning how I going to catch up on my work, complete my projects, put up a terrific performance and GET A LIFE! Hmm... that will probably keep me on my toes for a while. Chinese New Year's coming so... Gotta cheer up dudette! (At this particular moment msn just went bonkers. Sudden surge of people signing in, probably got disconnected a while ago by the recently screwed-up msn.)
Dancetitude on top list right now. Practices are super packed and intense, probably the BIGGEST reason why I'm damn shag. On the account that I'm(and of course my other dancers) training FREAKING hard, we ought to deserve some DECENT support! Sigh, just because I'm asking people to come support the event I feel shunned. The feeling sucks. BIG time. Forget it. I'm not bothering anymore. Shun me you want I can't be bothered anymore. Don't need such reluctant support. Hrmp...
13 days to V day. What have I got planned? Nothing. Why? 'Cause there no one to plan for. No one that I want and dare to plan for that is. Let's see if things will change over this 13 days. *Crossed fingers*