Life's like a Boat

Life is Like a Boat by Rie Fu [Bleach ending song]

Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me, and keep me strong?

We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on coming and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day

dooku de iki o shiteru toomei ni natta mitai
kudayami ni omoe dakedo mekaku shisarete tadake

inori o sasagete atarashii hi o matsu
asayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made

Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me, and keep me strong

hito no kokoro wa utsuriyuku mukedashiteku naru
tsuki wa mada atarashii shuuki de mune o tsureteku

And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore

Oh, I can see the shore
When will I see the shore?

I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'm feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along,
I will follow you, and keep you strong

tabi wa mada tsuzuiteku odayakana hi mo
tsuki wa mata atarashii shuuki de ume o terashidasu

inori o sasagete atarashii hi o matsu
asayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made

And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore

Unmei no huneoko gi nami wa tsugi kara tsuki e to watashi-tachi o sou kedo
Sore mo suteki na tabi ne, dore mo suteki na tabi ne

------------

I could play this song over and over again without getting sick of it. Been listening to it the entire night.

Haven't been exactly in the best of moods recently. Mood swings and tantrums. Totally ignored my dad when I got home. I just didn't feel like talking at all. I don't really understand why too. I guess like the song says "...if I ever need someone to come along, who's gonna comfort me, and keep me strong?" It's not that I don't know the answer but I just don't feel it sometimes. I feel like a stupid brat myself, thinking about myself only.

Because of You

Because Of You by Kelly Clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

I'm not ready at all.

Dawned upon myself today that I'm really ill-prepared to compete in the working world. Found out that one of my colleagues did 9As in 'O' levels, another one is a Masters degree holder, while another one just finished his thesis and is getting his PhD this July. And they are working at a place where I feel is so ordinary. It's not like big names that everyone will know. Maybe I'm wrong but I had the impression they'll probably could have aimed higher.

If such high flyers are working in these average companies, then where are average people like us going to end up in? It's a horrible revelation to me. Or it is that the average nowadays are such people? Have I degraded to a below average chap? Suddenly I felt kinda lost and very worried about how my future will turn out. I'm not skilled with people like my sis is so management or business related line isn't really going to work for me just yet.

Here I am stuck as an engineer when I graduate, but although I hate to say it I'm not cut out for it yet. I'm just not ready.

Cold cold... aH-chOO!

Came down with a bad cold this morning. Either it was the morning air that seemed a bit colder than normal days, or my office air-conditioning. In any case I disturbed the peace around my desk with my endless sneezing and nose-blowing. Bet you the wastepaper bin isn't exactly very clean now with all my wet tissues. Wet with my mucus. Disgusting eh? Luckily it's just water for most of it, guarantee no phelgm. Haha.

Rushed my presentation the entire day. Went through with my mentor and luckily no "major" comments that could spoil the day. He even help with my conclusion, which I suck at. Most of the time I end up coming up with a summary than a conclusion. But at least it's almost done and out of the way. But of course there's always a catch. Presenting to my supervisor before DRM and then it will be the actual DRM. Crap. I'm not even ready la! "Tomorrow at 11,okay?" said my mentor. What can I say? "OK lor." Tomorrow got to finish up the presentation then do dry run. First time ever I'll be starting work right away once I'm in office. Hehehe.

Since the week started I've been like so against going to work. Don't know why though. Guess it's because I actually had a deadline to fight. Don't like stress. I prefer my carefree student life anytime. Guess the blues come from the fact that once IA's over I'm left with 1 last year as a student. Sigh.

Okie I'm going to cook porridge liao. Sick so better stick to the plain stuff.

Irritating match again.

Anyway I forgot to mention. Idiot Middlesborough just lose cannot is it? Sian another stupid waste time match, luckily I only watch until half-time. In fact should have stop before tat so I wouldn't have seen the equalizer. Crap.

I'm in a good mood so it's not gonna affect me, but I sure hope they win AC Milan for Champions League. To me, I think they'll probably think that's more important and they can sacrifice EPL for it. No more complacency at least.

I can bake!

Went for a baking class today. Great fun. A class of 30 plus people all from the company and of course we were the youngest there.

Learnt from the professionals at Baking Industry Training Centre (BITC), who are supposed to be related to Prima Deli in some sense, I think. Anyway baked a chocolate truffle cake and it didn't turn out too badly! Had lots of fun in fact with my friends working together. We helped to weigh and mix in our ingredients together in a big container before dividing it into 4 different moulds for baking. Was quite a huge mess actually with all the movement around the kitchen and the occasional (actually quite frequent) jokes made. When my sponge was done we had to cut it up to 3 layers, but mine splitted when I was flipping the cake around so it was quite unsightly! But I covered my mess with the chocolate truffle cream filling so you can't really tell, unless you really look closely at at its side after you cut it!

In any case I made up for my mistake with an extra smooth top cream layer. So proud of myself 'cause got praised by a couple of aunties at the neighbouring tables. Haha! But I admit I got help from the shi-fu 'cause had we continued with our cooled and settled cream I'll probably have lost my patience to give it a good finishing. Typical impatient me.

Then came the best part. Decorating the cake. After dusting the cake with cocoa powder, I added chocolate pieces to the side for deco. Partially to cover my unsightly lobangs, even though a layer of cream was put around it. And you thought I was so artistic. Haha. Strawberry, chocolate rice and a little snow powder did the finishing touch and wah-la it's all done! Took a couple of pictures of my cake on my phone, the rest are still with my colleague who sacrificed the lesson to take photos of us having fun. I'll get them and post it soon! In the meantime be wow-ed by my talent! First time leh!

Good ol' times never last.

Struck 4D yesterday. Found out this morning from my colleagues. The number our dear birthday girl LX picked opened in one of the permutations so all together we won $100 so after LX's thank-you chocolate, each of us got $13 for the $2 we each contributed. Haha. What luck.

Got called 小老鼠 today. Funny 'cause it never occurred to me to relate myself to a little mouse. Coincidentally during lunch, a colleague was talking about mice and cats. Saying when Disney came up with Mickey Mouse, Japan countered it with a cat, Hello Kitty. That came after he asked if Pooh was male or female, and if he was male why is he called Winnie. Although I obviously know he just talking crap, but since it was entertaining I didn't stop him. Suit me fine, with my plate of fried rice.

Met up with my bro for dinner at wheelock. Got a nice treat even though I was late. Haha. Bus came late today and he reached early so ended up I was more than half hour late. Talked about the old times in hall. He was telling stories from a few years back when he was still in hall. All that's changed. No more havoc, drinking, mahjong, card-playing. It's far far more quiet now. More boring. Seems it's hard to keep the the old feelings. Circumstances and people change whether by choice or without. Can tell that he misses the times when he was back in school and in hall with his bunch of crazy buddies. Wish I could relive my year 1 and 2 days too, but there's no back to the future in real life.

I'm still glad I made some real good friends though, including this brother whom I started off with as a supper buddy and eventually found to be quite a great confidante. So I'm thankful. Including the chance to meet and know my darling. I'll never regret my choices.

HaPPy birThdaY wEt WeT!

Yup, this entry is dedicated to dear ShiShi aka wet wet. 'Cause it's gonna be her birthday in less than 20 minutes! It's probably be 12 when I finish with this blog.

I never been great with remembering birthdays, other than my own family. I could only remember my one out of four of my best buddies' birthday, and only because it happened to be the same day as my old man. But I've since made it a point to try to recall, and when I do I'll make sure I drop them a message however long ago it was since we last contacted. Then I faced a problem. Phone numbers change. Drats. So how? Suck thumb lor. Next option, email. Hope it works. Now I like dedicating entries to friends, 'cause it's them that made me come out with such thoughts. Thanks to them I can update my blog and prevent it from growing mushrooms.

Can't blame my boring life, since I enjoy simple activities like sleeping, watching telly, quiet evenings at the coffeehouse. I can and I do still go wild at times. Go beach, bitch with friends, sports, club (on occasions) and those you-dare-me-I-will-do-its (which I shan't talk about. Too shameful to think I even tried "p).

Miss those old school days. Always happens when I talk or just think of old friends. So here's it! HAPPy 2* (I'm leaving out the number in case she wish to start concealing her age) BIRtHdaY SHisHi! Forever remembered as the a bit blur blur and a bit gan chiong friend, who can't seem to take it when she sees a friend down. Not that I was ever down when I'm around her, but her bu yao zhe yang zi look just makes you feel sorry for making her feel sorry. (Does that sound right?) Thankful for having known her.

Anyway it's getting late. Pretty tired from a day at work and an evening out. Still gotta work tomorrow and I'm still gonna be going out after work. So adios dudes and dudettes!

Frustration. Bad start to the week.

Fed up with the way the week started. Monday blues weren't exactly blue, it was more of a fiery Monday for me.

First thing in the morning I missed my shuttle to work. Rushed like mad to the bus-stop just to get snub in the face by a stupid attitude-problem driver. I was just standing beside the bus for goodness gracious' sake, and he just drove off! Crap! LX already told him to wait and I was like just opposite crossing over via the underpass. It was like less than 1 minute and I actually ran loR! Frustrating.

Then in the afternoon, I tried to quickly collect the samples to use on the SEM. For one thing, I was pretty irritated as the samples were difficult to keep them intact and remove them at the same time. SOMEONE had to add oil to the sparking temper I was having by suggesting ways and methods to try. I'm not saying the ideas are ridiculous, but the effect they yield do not justify the amount of time and effort required for it! Can't he just get that into his thick skull?! He's not a meanie but he needs to learn to listen and think of others. Here I am trying to finish whatever I've got quickly so the rest get carry on with their work. Then there he goes adding more things to the list as if the whole place can wait for him. Can't he see the predicament I'm in? I'm the bad guy here hogging the machine, causing their backlog, not him. Others will only see it as "Why you do so slow?", not "Aiyoh, your boss giving you a lot of things to do huh?". I admit I was a bit too nasty in my tone and expression when I talked back, but it's my flaw that I can't hold back my temper and emotions. Holding it down as much as it does not embarrass the person is as much as I can go. Tell me to be nice and diplomatic, hardly possible. Now what I'm worried about is that he interprets my frustration from the lack of results and wastage of effort as a resistance to the increased workload. That wouldn't reflect too nicely on my IA grading. Guess I'll just have to put in extra effort for the DRM and report, and pray that it salvages the damage I've done so far.

Luckily, I managed to rush finish my work and adios by 5:30pm. Not too bad an ending for a lousy day at work. At least I still got to go back on time. Could have been better if my dear brother didn't have to work OT. Nice dinner, ice-cream and shopping for myself! But since dinner was cancelled, lazy ol' me pop right back home and mugged on my anime.

On the way home, saw this little birdie under my block. Not really very pretty, less than the size of my fist, but I guess it being small was what made it cute. It couldn't really fly very well so it ended up flying straight into a wall. Initially I thought it was hurt so I stood by it for a while, then after I backed off a bit it finally got up and hopped around. I guess it was just tired for all the flying practices. Hope it's safe now. It isn't very safe on ground with all the cats waiting to pounce on it. I pray it survives.

Had a complaining session with my personal Uncle Agony aka darling, which relieved much of the tension and gave me a bit of self-reflection on how nasty I was. But I played a little Aunt Agony too, listening to complaints of non-smart study-ers. It's not a method I advocate and practise personally, due to the high dedication of time and attention and the low yield, so I sort of could relate quite well to the irritation. You can call it smart studying or being lazy, but I believe in optimising the output with the input. Every effort should be justified by some substantial result. Oh well, not really in the mood for philosophical discussion recently. In any case, the day didn't end that terribly, so let's just hope it stays this way.

Do I demand a lot?

Hmmm... it's one of those days when I feel the whole world owes me something. Okay, I think I kind of over-stated that. Scale that down to the people around me, that should be a reasonable emotion to have.

Work's getting demanding, somehow. It's funny 'cause in fact I should be more relaxed but I'm not. Tests are all done, although results are still in a mess, which is the problem. Analysis, reports, presentations and solutions to problems that may not even exist. Is working really like that or is it just unique to my current company or department? I like keeping things simple. I shun complexity, although I'm a guilty creator sometimes. Somehow people blur the line between thinking out of the box and complexity, which I don't agree with. Great examples are the kids on the Creative show. They've really innovative ideas, yet they are so simple it never would have occurred to us. And that's been what I've been advocating. If the problem doesn't exist, don't dwell on it. If it does, think simple. I don't think I've really adequately substantiated my point, but I'm no world-class debater, so I'll leave the decision to you.

False hope is another letdown. There I was given the impression that I'll be having an enjoyable evening, getting all geared. Here I am now getting all disappointed with an empty evening. It's the feeling of abandonment where you get put off by the i-didn't-promise reason. It's a safety net for many, but I hate it. One, you don't get assurance of a plan. Two, the chances of being put off is way higher. That's why sometimes I rather it be a NO than a MAYBE. Well, at least the mind's not left to wonder and hope about something that's not gonna happen.

Which leads me to my thought for the day. Do I demand a lot? I don't know. I guess I need to moderate myself. I sense an imbalance in the demand I give to the demand I'm willing to take. Flaw noted. Moderation in process. Process speed and required time unknown. System hiberation required for optimum process results. Beep.

Man U! Glory glory!

Okay, this is coming a bit late but... YEAH! Man U won! Gonna busk in their victory as a proud fan. Heard it was a brilliant match, best performance since 1993, as quoted from kgwm. Not sure how far I agree with him but I'm happy they pulled through after losing the away game. Way to go! Some many years of sticking with them, finally paying off this season. Almost gave up on them the last season, but well they're back on track so that makes at least one thing this week that doesn't piss me off. (In case you don't see the connection, I'm still on that stupid powerpoint presentation.)

Just finished bleach 114 and I can't wait to get my hands the rest of the episodes and devour the story! And I used to think I wouldn't regret not watching it, since naruto was good enough. Ha! Lucky for the free time and those very enticing glimpses of the anime, if not I would have like missed the most AWESOME anime! Well so far that I've seen. Go Toushirou! And of course, booby chick, shiny head, flower boy and dear old babboon-zanpakutou Renji-san! I wonder why they have to be in school for anyway. Can't they just roam around as Shinigamis or camp away at Urahara Shop? Whatever. Cyn-nigami Haruko Toushirou always on stand by to catch the latest action!

Got a new skin.

Finally managed to get something out. Ended up reverting back to the old version to make the templates work. New blogger isn't exactly very personalised template-friendly. In case you can't find Mr Taggie, he's on the left. You'll need to scroll down to see him. Archives are there too. And guys do leave me your blog address, 'cause wanna leave it on the links so I can access them easier.

Anyway my dear Toushirou is on the skin! Haha!

Faith.

It's like a totally boring week that I can't imagine going through. It's powerpoint and more powerpoint, in preparation for my DRM presentation. IA sucks big time. The only time I enjoy or maybe dread less is when I'm not doing my own work. Other people's work is fine, but not mine alone. Sounds illogical but I guess I've gotta blame myself for it. I don't give myself enough credit for my own work. For me self-praise is disgrace, not just no praise. Crap. I'm in those lousy mood days again. For once I can say I rather be in school! Exams so what? 1 month and it's over. IA? 22 weeks of agony, especially when you are doing everything from scratch learning entirely foreign things. Puiz. Unlike my dear friend in Stockholm, I'm not in depression, I'm more like in a sadist mode. The thought of smashing up something feels kinda good. Not trying to promote violence, but just teaching people not to bottle up. *gRinz*

Anyway can't wait to see the results for tomorrow morning's match. By the time I'm awake, the outcome would have been set. Manchester United vs Roma. Please la Man U, please win ok? If not I'll be damn sian tomorrow at work. Pray. Let faith be a strong enough energy to score a goal or two for my dear Man U. Glory!

Gluttony is a CYN.

Back to work on a monday. Sigh. What else, monday blues of course. Engine wouldn't go, brake is stuck on. Ms Porsche isn't running. Long weekend plus supervisor absent makes cynner erm... stall? Okay brain's still on vacation. So pardon me, ok?

Did a BIT of my presentation for my project, but got tired of it after like just 2 hours in the morning. Went to the lab and I was so glad to see my colleagues doing calibration. Why? 'Cause calibration equates graphs equates mathematics equates logic equates no analysis. I like doing tedious calculations but I totally hate deduction from this and that observations. Give me a whole chunk of equations and graphs I'll do it for the entire day. Helped them with the formula so they wouldn't need to interpolate manually on paper. Felt good 'cause it was simple yet will save they lots of brain work in the future.

But lousy day at ended at work, because I met my dear for a simple but nice dinner. I agree with company makes all the difference. Had a big plate of chicken chop, accompanied by a glass of teh-peng. Then glutton me decided I could put in another cup of caramel frappe at McCafe. End result: A bloated tummy full of water and air (from talking too much while eating) that made me felt like burping and throwing up. Serves me right for being a glutton. Well, took the chance to walk to the toilet at AMK Hub and walk my dear to his bus stop. Spend a bit more time together. Hehehe. So coincidentally bumped into JH again. Yup, not the first time. Anyway I'm now back home resting my over-stretched tummy. Uneventful day, not much food for thought today, so I'll be getting back to my Bleach. Ja-ne.

Help anyone?

Anyway forgot to mention, anyone's good with changing templates? I'm trying to get a good Bleach anime skin but all the skins I've found so far on blogskin.com gives the same problem.

Your template could not be parsed as it is not well-formed. Please make sure all XML elements are closed properly.
XML error message: The content of elements must consist of well-formed character data or markup.

So maybe someone could help me with this? Post me a comment or tag. Thanks!

Stupid match. Waste my time.

Anyway been a very rot day for me, watching the anime Bleach and basically nothing else. So I decided to work my fingers a bit and vent out the morning's frustration.

Still pretty irritated by the match this morning. Yup, Portsmouth vs Man U. Crap. Even though I'm a Man U fan, I've really gotta say Man U deserve it for being so slack in the beginning. Defense SUCKS like totally BIG time. What is the hell with an OWN GOAL?! Especially from Ferdinand who I thought would be my most reliable defender. Puiz. Made me stay up till 2 plus, got ticked off by my dear mummy and in all the frenzy of rushing back home forgot to put on the handbrakes and change to 'PARK' gear after I've reached home. Okay I'm being a pretty spoilt brat putting the blame of my negligence on the match but the point is I'M IRRITATED. Only gan-chiong-ing after the OG. Serves them right. Argh. Maybe it's a clash of bad luck. My mum JUST called to rush me back home, and while I was getting ticked off, my dear Mr Ferdinand scored the OG. Sigh. As a chinese idiom goes 祸不单行, literally translating it, bad things don't happen individually. Bad luck. Okay I've decided to be a magnanimous fan and put the blame on myself for bringing bad luck to my team yesterday. SORRY MAN U! Sob sobs... But in any case, at the end of the day Chelsea still sucks more! Boo! I'll be fair, boo to Morinho! Haha, that felt GOO-OD!

Throughout the match, I had a good laugh too though. From O'Shea's lousy defending, Heinze's weak clearances, Traore's not getting the ball. I have something against O'Shea and my darling has something against Traore. Coincidentally they played the same flank (I spelt it right, right?), so I had a good commentatory from my darling & bro for how 'good' they were. So I'm trying to be contented with that. But then I got sort of a lashing from my dear for being too noisy when they almost scored in the 2nd half. Well, that was the start of the foul mood actually. But I'm not blaming him for it, 'cause I admit I was inconsiderate for his parents were asleep already.

As for Liverpool, they won but I felt they DIDN'T deserve it. They are a good team but from yesterday's performance, it's a no for me. Shan't comment too much on it though, 'cause as it stands I'm in a bad mood for my team is getting caught up while they are doing well keeping their pursuer far behind. I'm jealous of the fact so I shall keep my comments. (Sour grapes.)

Better get off to helping mum with dinner preps. Ciao.

I've moved... blog I mean..

Hey guys.. I've moved. Couldn't take the lack of colour and pattern to my Diaryland blog, so decided to try blogger which has more templates to offer on the Net. Currently moving the old entries over, so give me a moment with all of it.

Phantom of the Opera

Just back from watching a musical. Great show with powerful voices. Phantom of the Opera, of course. It's been so widely publicised and despite it's second time performing in Singapore, response appears to be still pretty overwhelming. For myself it was an eye-opener since it's the 1st time I'm watching a musical and watching in Esplanade. As I had said, the 1st thing that I recalled was the powerful voices that literally resonated in my mind. And it's not due to the wonderful sound system or sound-proofing of the theatre. Although some actresses were so good with their sopranos (or however you call it) it was pretty piercing to the ears several instances, I've got to hand it to them for their control with those twisting and turning of the keys, notes, pitch and what-have-yous. I'm not a musical guru, I'm a 1st-timer so don't mind me for my ignorance. Scene transitions were amazing. I wouldn't compare it to the movies where effects can be animated and edited after filming, since this is stage and 'live' performance, so it wouldn't be fair. Although the intensity of the story was not as strong as the movie, the effects they managed to produce in the space and time constraint setting is very amazing for me. I wonder how big the backstage crew is just to keep the show running this smoothly. Sound, lights, props, dressing, and of course orchestra too. Great music indeed. The change and transition were very aptly arranged, producing very desirable effects for the story. Don't really know how to describe the feeling but it's definitely positive.

As for the story, still as touching as when I saw the movie if not stronger. Went teary at the end when Phantom faded away back into the shadows. It's a sad story in any case, a pitiful protagonist that was forgotten and left behind while the rest of the world moved on without him. Being isolated for years, the obsession and hunger for love took over when he found someone who looked up to him as an angel. An angel of music. Ah... Sweet, isn't it? The thing amazing about Phantom of the Opera is that there is no clear antagonist. I always thought it can't work with all good guys. The lead has gotta meet up with some trouble and while getting past these some evil character has to appear and jeopardise the originally easy-to-solve problem. That's where the climax of the show comes in. But in Phantom, everyone seems to be the good guys but on deeper thought everyone is also the bad guys. Phantom being overly possessive, murdering and threatening people. Christine for being selfish, I thought so 'cause it seems she had hardly try to understand why Phantom lurking in the theatre and why he taught her to sing. All he ask for was companionship and yet all she ever did for him was to receive his teaching. Raul for having taken Christine away and intending to kill Phantom. In the end leaving Phantom to creep back into his solitude with the reputation of a terror. The rest of the characters are needless to say pretty obvious their flaws. But flaws make them irritating not necessary bad though. Don't really know how to explain myself once again but I guess you'll get my point if you know the story. Not a bad production, in fact I give it a 2 thumbs up for having kept me totally awake despite being so tired. I was yawning away before I went in and I thought I might doze off from tiredness. Was so awake I didn't realised it until I was on the bus leaving Esplanade. Makes me wanna watch other productions as well. I'll probably start with the more established productions. In the meantime, anyone has any musicals to recommend?

Share with you guys some of my favourite scenes:
Say you'll share with me one love one lifetime... Say it to me and I'll follow you.. Hope I didn't get it wrong. I like the tune more so the melody keeping playing in my mind but the words needs some reminder. Like the part where Phantom sang in the end at the labyrinth (can't remember how to spell it) about saving him from his solitude, very touching. That's where I teared. Pitiful soul.

Emotions run wild.

Haven't been blogging for the longest time. (What's new? You do that all the time anyway. Doesn't really matter cos I doubt you have regular readers from your bad reputation of infrequent updating.) Been pretty much a roller-coaster ride in relation to my feelings recently. Out of the blue yesterday night I found myself sobbing away to sleep. Why? 'Cause I felt lonely, especially this period when my darling is busy studying and finishing up his projects with his super irritating team-mate. The usual sensitive and caring boyfriend suddenly just POOF! and was gone for the entire 2 weeks he was rushing the project. I wouldn't be asking too much from him too, considering the time from now till his exams are like so short. Lonely days are here to stay. At least for the next month or so.

Felt pretty useless around at work too. For some reason I couldn't seem to get my engine going at work. There's always a headache lurking at some discrete corner of my head that only pops out when I start working and breaks my whole momentum. Haven't been in my best of health lately too. Took 3 days of MC for the last 2 weeks. Cough, which is now a sore throat that jus wouldn't go away. Flu, which is now like a permanent running tap that like to occasionally clog up on me. Fever, that is giving me regular headaches or so I blame it on. It all adds up to a very lethargic me. Work sucks, especially for the last month at least. Boo-hoo!

Went back to school and hall for events but felt so out of place. It's like people go "Hey so long never see you liao!" and that pretty much it to the conversation. The feeling of "click" is just gone. Walked around school and felt like a stranger rather than a student there, which is weird considering the fact that I AM a student there still. Hall is no longer as lively as I knew it. Maybe it is to others, but it certainly isn't lively to me. So distant. many friends are gonna be graduating this year at well the engineering courses seniors and the business people from our batch. Sad another split road in life. Somehow I feel the outflow of people in my life does not justify the inflow. So many people I have or had been close to have left my side, yet few that come in can take on the same closeness. Well you might say quantity is not the matter of concern, but quality blah blah blah. Bullshit. Even the most loving couple can't survive with just each other. That's where friends and family come in, to provide an alternative company. Not that I mind being with my darling 24-7 but I'm very sure we'll run out of topics to talk about and love and boredom are not very good friends. Boredom like throwing love out and I agree. In conclusion I'm still a lonely spoilt brat that DEMANDS company, but I'll ENDURE! I will NOT distract my darling to satiate my hunger for company. I swear it upon my sweet tooth or you can have it! OK I mean them. What's wrong with having sweet teeth?