Crusader: No Regret

I feel so much better now. I finally got the decision over with. Yes, the word is FINALLY. Now can concentrate better on my work, sing while I work. "Nobody told me it feels so good. Nobody told me you'd be so beautiful. Nobody warned me 'bout your smile. You're the light, you're the light, when I close my eyes.I'm colourblind..." I don't really get the meaning of the song be I figured it's a happy one. Everything seems much happier now that I'm relieved of the dilemma. I don't know if I'll regret this decision in near future, but I promise I'll not be the cause of the regret.

I AM POSSIBLE...

Going for interview didn't make my decision easier. I thought I would probably hold my stand firm and stick to my decision or at least my considerations. First the people who were in was a pull factor, then later it became a push factor. Now I'm just plain confused. I can jolly well forget about it all and be part of none. But then again, it defeats the purpose of my giving up. I would choose to give up 'cause I'll probably regret any decision that I make. The question of "What if I was in the other" would inevitably pop up. To be TOTALLY pessimistic and quit(okay, using the word 'quit' at this point indicates over-confidence on my part but can you deny the fact that I definitely would be in whichever comm I want. Yup, you heard me. The comm that I WANT.) both is freaking bullshit. I'll probably hate myself for being a coward. Shirking all responsibilities to make my own decision. Something I'll really be proud of myself if I could do.
At this point, I think I've come to a conclusion. Not a solid one but I figured I'll build on that reason it out with myself and let everyone know about it. I'll not succumb to the "I'm pissed with you" statement, but that this point of time I need to put that fact beside me and truly consider the choices. Can I handle all that I'm undertaking? Can I convince the shit outta the arrogant swines that I can work? Does it mean I have to outright accept the 'challenge' posed to me? Can I prove it through performing in the other? Anyway I realised I'm swaying towards a particular decision with the questions I'm asking myself. I hope I'm following what my heart and brain tells me and not what my emotions are trying to express. Pray. Pray for a miracle to happen. If not I'll have to make that miracle happen for myself. Nothing is impossible. I AM POSSIBLE.

Disarray, turmoil, unrest. All mixed in one.

Terrible. Confusion. Indecision. I'll probably die any moment now if I continue to brood over it. Why? Seems like a small problem. It's just a matter of this or that. Why the hell am I killing my brain cells over it?? In any case I enjoy the self-importance part. Hey, why should one feel proud to be approached to join a special project MAIN comm? 2, in fact. I've gotta admit I feel all-important at this point, which is good. I guess if the chairperson can make his/her commers feel in such a way, the willingness on our side will definitely be much higher, owing to the fact that the appreciation for the effort is there. I DO take that very seriously. What the hell would I work my ass off for if I get peanuts in material terms? Of course it's for the freaking recognition! I'm no saint here who is all for the good of MY people. C'mon, wake up to reality. I'm not responsible for all the losers around. Either they can fight their own battle in this bloody war called survival, or they can jolly well get trampled in others' battles. Okay I better cool myself off. Maybe it's the weather. It's a freaking humid day. (I'm such a jerk. Yeah, blame everything on the weather. Of course it's got ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with your character. I'm so 'perfect'.) That just killed the remaining ounces of confidence I had about being it either of the committee. Admit it. I'm afraid I'll show my incompetency when I actually do work. What I've been perceived to be has mostly been from mere speculation on the chairpersons' part. Which makes me wonder: How the hell can people come to such conclusion about a person's capabilities? The aura? Sphere of influence? Who's to determine this 'FEELING' that I exude? It's like when people think I'm really 'ga-rang'. Actual fact? I'm just a lousy scaredy kitten hiding in a tiger's skin for camouflage.
Let it be. I'll just disgrace myself once and for all. Let everyone know I'm not that desirable as a co-worker. Spare me the agony in times to come.

birTHdaY to siEwkiEn!

Hmm... first day of lessons after recess didn't go too badly. For 1, I managed to get up in time(thanks to Shu-Ying!). A real great improvement from the usual 15mins late entry into tutorial. Okay the surprise chem test could have spoilt the day though.(Well it was for me cause I cleanly forgot about it. I should tying a string round my fingers reminding me of tests/quizzes.) Thank goodness for Mr. 'Twin Tower of Terror' Lim for drilling me with organic chem in jc, I got through it with merely jc knowledge(and a little uni ones too la.. I do listen in class okay..).

Rather dull day though, overall. Basketball/netball training was cancelled for dunno what reason. That takes a day off of exercising for me. I must make sure I burn the accumulated calories off at tomorrow's ICG netball. Atlantis is SOOO gonna have fun! A largely freshies dominated team, of cos we can't write of the experienced senior players too, the team may very likely win the games. All will be revealed at tomorrow's games. I'm gonna be WA! Well, of cos if there're better candidates I'll glad take other positions. What to do, I'm such an all-rounded player. *pukEs* Okay enough of the self-praise, even I cannot stand it already.

And this is dedicated to SiewKien(or affectionately known as Li XinJie lookalike). Good Day to you girL! Hope the past 18 years has been wonderful for you. But what's more important is that u enjoy the many more 18-years to come! Wish you Chang Ming Bai Sui!(but don't become Qian Nian Lao Yao hor) Just hope you don't get too terribly sabo-ed later. I wonder what the guys have in mind...

reCESs! Did I heaR the beLL go?

Today the start of recess!(Well ok it started on sunday. But what the point of starting recess on sunday when you have it off every week? With recess you should feel a change in schedule like 'nO cLAssES!', just like today!) Okay, enough of the digression. Although it's recess, the week didn't start off as superbly as it should have. Firstly it was the stupid fees payment that I had to settle.(In fact it's the only problem I had, I think.) As such I had to wait at home for my dad to be back before coming back to caampus with him. Had to miss NTUNPCC induction for that.(I gotta admit, part of me sorta made it possible to happen. Who would be enthusiatic about it?) Made my way to the bank just to find out I HAD TO print out the e-bill to make the payment. Back to hall. Down to admin annexe. Back in hall. Lots of nagging along the way. Guess what to add the topping to the already screwed-up ice-cream, I left my phone at home! What a day!(Hey if you think my day was nothing think of the mental strain I was put through! The institutional pressure, parental pressure and to make things worse, from the bLoody environment! The bank staff wasn't exactly in her best attitude.)

So much for a bad day. Luckily back at hall after all the admin(finally!) there was this bunch of nutheads to cheer things up. Luckily my effective comm discussion didn't go too badly. At least I stayed awake. No offence to my partner it wasn't his fault but the nature of what we were doing and my state of 'awake-ness' then. Dinner was disaster in terms of the arrows aimed at me. No worries for that. I HAVE my ways of countering them. ;P

The night is still young! Time for me to hang my laundry! I guess you must be thinking: 'Laundry at this time? Where's the sun?' Well, greetings. This is hall life for you.

Supper Hop~!

Hmm.. I'm just back from my hall's Supper Hop. First ever. The food was good but no element of surprise or amazement, cause i've basically been to both Macpherson n geylang for supper before. The fun portion was the company. What madness! Never thought what undergrads are capable of when they go all kiddish! Photos were a great part of the whole experience. The sorta karaoke session too. And Cute Club made its first ever official public appearance! With special mention to our Rag Sec, Sijia, for the fact that it was her birthday and CC took the opportunity to flaunt our cuteness in full bloom! Well, i feel so much like going karaoke, taking plenty of photos and basically find great company to be with.


I dunno why. This feeling I'm getting is kinda outta place. But i suddenly feel like I need a partner. Real mutual one. One who I know what's in his mind and he knows mine. I guess it's just the time of the day.

Feeling the wind in my hair..

This week is certainly starting off well enough... absolutely flop my bio CA(I don't hope to score with blank answers), but at least physics is passable. Anyway today is also the start of the new Hall 12 forum. Many withdrawal cases. Didn't think anyone could grow so attached to a web forum..

A busy day in fact. Full day of lessons complete with CAs, then basketball and netball training, complemented with dance practice, to top it all off, meeting with the civ reps. Canvassing. Sell 10 tixs and complete the 2 canvassing requirement. ANyone interested? Bash at Rouge on 24sept(Fri) from 9pm on. Tixs at $12 each with 1 for 1 thru'out the nite until 3am.. Contact me k? I'll really like to get the canvassing outta the way soon.

okok, buT generally feeling muCh better emotionally. Now's the time to recuperate physically. oyasumi nasai.

Life is gOOd~!

I guess luck isn't on my side.. It's never good when you have to re-write your diary entry. Accidentally closed the window with my fat fingers. Well I'll try to cut straight to what I was saying. The week ended with a me feeling much better about everything. although atmosphere at hall still felt rather stifling, I guess my mood helped soothe it down. Talking about it to my roomie definitely bettered the situation by a lot. Saturdays didn't really seem as bad. So I guess it due to the quietness and calmness. Something we don't really observe on weekdays.

Anyway, I'm gonna go get my driving test date soon! Wish me luck in getting a good slot, although I still got plenty to buck up on for my skills.

Off to do my studying! Bio n physics quiz coming up on monday. Scary!

My Icecream Flavour is...Neopolitan!

You aren't satisfied with just one flavor. They say variety is the spice of life and this shines through in your Ice cream of choice! Just don't eat all the chocolate and leave the strawberry and vanilla behind!

What is your Icecream Flavour?

Find out at Go Quiz

It's like falling off bed in the morning...

This my first entry. Not exactly starting it off with a very high note. Everything's all packed so tightly, even now I'm basically procrastinating and putting off work(mind you, NOT studies but work). Not enough personal space. Gasping for that minimal air around. Air feels really tensed around here. Where's the feeling I used to have earlier in the term? Guess I ain't that tough as I thought. Just wanna hit rock-bottom soon. Cry it all out. Completely breakdown. Pick up the debris and get my butt moving on. The feeling now isn't exactly most favourable to study, let alone work, in.