Going for interview didn't make my decision easier. I thought I would probably hold my stand firm and stick to my decision or at least my considerations. First the people who were in was a pull factor, then later it became a push factor. Now I'm just plain confused. I can jolly well forget about it all and be part of none. But then again, it defeats the purpose of my giving up. I would choose to give up 'cause I'll probably regret any decision that I make. The question of "What if I was in the other" would inevitably pop up. To be TOTALLY pessimistic and quit(okay, using the word 'quit' at this point indicates over-confidence on my part but can you deny the fact that I definitely would be in whichever comm I want. Yup, you heard me. The comm that I WANT.) both is freaking bullshit. I'll probably hate myself for being a coward. Shirking all responsibilities to make my own decision. Something I'll really be proud of myself if I could do.
At this point, I think I've come to a conclusion. Not a solid one but I figured I'll build on that reason it out with myself and let everyone know about it. I'll not succumb to the "I'm pissed with you" statement, but that this point of time I need to put that fact beside me and truly consider the choices. Can I handle all that I'm undertaking? Can I convince the shit outta the arrogant swines that I can work? Does it mean I have to outright accept the 'challenge' posed to me? Can I prove it through performing in the other? Anyway I realised I'm swaying towards a particular decision with the questions I'm asking myself. I hope I'm following what my heart and brain tells me and not what my emotions are trying to express. Pray. Pray for a miracle to happen. If not I'll have to make that miracle happen for myself. Nothing is impossible. I AM POSSIBLE.
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