Princess treatment!

Damn. Procrastination's catching up on me again. Blogging has return to its once-a-week event status. Let's try harder this week k, girl? Sigh.
Anyway finally the tummy isn't hurting as bad or as frequent. Been getting tummyaches since last friday. Don't know if it was something I ate or what. Whatever the case went to see a doctor this afternoon, so hopefully the medicine works.
Last week. Ups and downs again. Tears and laughter. He went to do something kind of silly. Approached good friend and asked about Ed. Asked what you said? Silly is the only way to describe. He asked if Ed liked me. I was absolutely in shock when i knew what he did. Anyway before he got his reply from good friend and Ed, he talked to me about the matter. Of course it got me all confused AGAIN. It's like why he can't trust me enough to believe it was only a crush. Sigh. But he said something I couldn't not agree with, that trust isn't built just like that but over time like when we actually have been together for months. I'm guilty of the doubt in me. It's evident to myself from what I feel when I see him with some people. But of course when he found out the answer from Ed which is of course negative, things just seemed to fall back in place. I guess this is just one of the many obstacles prepared for us in the "probation period" I set for the both of us. It gives us that extra bit more confidence in US. Makes me cherish his presence even more, knowing than he care THIS much to do such a silly thing. SiLLy boy. My silly boy. And of course thank you Ed. Thank you for being the friend that I never expected to be there. Thank you for appearing to help me hold my dream back up together.
Enough of the emotional stuff. Went to do negotiation for the DnD venue at Rasa Sentosa on friday(Yup, that's when the tummyache started). Not a bad negotiation. However I figured we can never be satisfied with their offer so we're just gonna squeeze everything out of them. *Evil laughter* The best part of the day was going for the ADIDAS sale! Woah! For $90 I got 2 tops, 1 skirt and a pair of shoes! together with FREE water bottles! Haha! But I felt so bad going without Leon('cause I knew he very much wanted to go but couldn't due to GE project discussion). Bought him a tank top which didn't exactly make me feel much better 'cause during the DnD meeting his face was like so 'black'. Suspected that it was because I of me. First I went to the sale without him and missed my lessons to go. Then I didn't even come back to have dinner with him. Guilty. Luckily after that he sms-ed to say it was not really my fault, but largely because the whole day didn't go well for him and he was just a bit angry I wasn't there for him. But the expression on his face when I showed him the top just brightens up my day. Smile k, little boy? *wink wink*
Had a tri-comm retreat(JCRC-FOC-DnD) on Saturday. Fun but the tummyache was too much for me to take after lunch. Went back to my room, Leon was with me. Was in so much pain I couldn't even try any harder to not show it 'cause he looked so worried about me. He tucked me in bed and made sure I slept before he left. Felt good about it emotionally. Like a little princess. To have a guardian angel looking after me. Felt so much better that evening I went simply bonkers during the steamboat dinner, as if I was high from eating or some reasons. Had my share of fun, which is good with all the stress living in hall.
Today although he couldn't physically be there to take care of me, he continually got people to check on me and made sure I was fine. Didn't want him to find out but I guess I just can't hide from his watchful eyes. Bleahz. Feels good to be pampered.

My first shooting star... and kiss

A very special day for me today. Nothing to do with yesterday's NTU Open House, which was kind of a flop from my point of view, since I didn't think response was fantastic at all. A few miserable souls loitering here and there, but still the DnD comm had our share of fun ourselves there.
Okay, back to why today's a day I'll be marking in my diary. And when I mean today I mean like March 14. Then you'll probably wonder "It's not even 4 hours into the day, what can possibly make it so memorable?" For starters, I saw my very first shooting star, with my very own eyes. Not on the news or any documentaries, but in the sky seen from the NTU campus. There I laid in the middle of NIE basketball courts with him. Just that very moment, a bright but sadly shortlived shooting star shot across and both of us caught it. Of course my natural instinct was to make a wish. So I quickly held my hands together, not even taking any chance to miss a second by letting go of his hand first, and made my wish. The wish shall remain a secret though. What made it extra unique was the appearance of the second shooting star, but this time round it was much more faint. Still both of us turn our gaze back to the sky just in time to catch it. Our first TWO shooting stars in one night, together with each other. Maybe I'm just lucky, just like being able to be with him. Or maybe it is him that's bringing me the luck. In fact I saw a third one myself which he didn't see, but what makes shooting stars special if when you have someone to see them with. Tonight the distance between us just got nearer. I don't know why I didn't hold back like I used to, but I guess it's probably because he's the right one.
Still he told me something which puts me in a very disturbed position, that he thinks he would likely not be my last. The reason he was still willing to be with me even though he was already getting tired of getting in and out of relationships was that hopefully someday when I find myself lost and alone I'll think back and remember him and maybe he'll have a second chance. I don't know if I'm getting his idea right, but I guess it's what he means. We are both uncertain, but please give me some time and I'll make sure I learn and do my part. He's probably right by saying by the time I reach 20 or more, my expectations and mentality will change and I might find the both of us going in separate directions. In any case, let's look at now can we? I don't wish to think of what possible endings may happen. For now I just want to know we both feel right about it and that you are still holding dear along this journey. Being able to love and feeling loved in return.

Jan's the King!

Can't concentrate in lecture right now. Haven't been able to do so from the beginning of the semester. Feeling so restless. Stomach's getting rowdy, gastric juices churning away. Bleahz, sucky feeling. Need food. Solution? Buy food. Problem? Forgot to bring my wallet and I forgot to bring my room key out in the morning and I'm now locked out of my room until roomie gets back or Shu-Ying does. Feel so dumb. Focus, girl! This isn't the time to get distracted! Sigh. But I chose to be in this situation. Something I can't go back on and don't want to either. Constantly looking forward to ending lessons so I can get back and see him. Probably that's what he means by being in the 'honeymoon' period. Just hope this honeymoon doesn't end so soon, too abruptly. *Grinz*
Met Jan yesterday at Clementi for dinner. Thanks for the Jap food! Nothing beats a nice girls' day out with our usual small talk and gossips. Told her about Leon. She seems happy for me, probably bacause of the 7 years we've known each other this is the first time she's seeing my love for another get reciprocated. Thanks, girl 'cause nothing beats the assurance from you. I promise you are still taking top spot on my list, I guess I would TRY to not 'dethrone' you so soon. Hehe!
Had Hall XII Appreciation Night yesterday too. Nice work JCRC, but probably the most part is still our own company though nonetheless efforts appreciated.
After the event went back to my room but feels so lethargic. Probably because of all the late nights. And yesterday I was just plain worried his mixing around with Richard & gang will get him smoking. "P I'm probably thinking too much. Gotta trust him to keep his promise. Today don't know why but I just felt like wearing a skirt. Maybe 'cause feeling more like a little lady recently. But all I'm getting are stares of disbelief! Hrmp! Went to lab got teased by stupid Raymond and SK. Ah Tay also had to stick his nose in too by saying I didn't know how to do the logsheet calculation 'cause I'm wearing a skirt and can't think! *Blood boils* Today's question of the day has gotta be "Why are you wearing a skirt today?" Goodness. You mean a girl has to have a reason to wear a skirt? FYI I AM female for all you guys out there. Stupid Weixin! The expression is not much better than the teasing I'm getting from the guys in lab. |P Next time I'm thinking of wearing a skirt I probably gotta consider if I can take all the expressions of disbelief and questioning. Sigh.

Living the dream

Seems like a dream. In fact I'm still adjusting to the fact that it's reality this time. A month ago I was still having this major crush on Ed, now I'm halfway on the road with another. I can't say he's just any other guy. He's probably the first guy I really took notice of from the day I stepped into hall. I admit the looks played a part. (Hey, be realistic who wouldn't give a cute guy a second glance? Especially when you're still single at the age of 19?) Pretty upset when I found out he was with another girl then, especially someone I didn't really grow to like very much. Probably that was why I deviated my attention elsewhere. That was when Ed came into view. All the things I thought was fate, probably was paving the journey for friendship but I chose to take it in another sense. In any case, my crush on Ed has proven to be another puppy love, self-imaginary situation. We'll probably grow to be very good friends, talk to and listen to each other when we face problems.
Actually I had the same feeling as he did. During that night of the NTU Band concert at VCH, I feel the tingle I used to feel when I first saw him. And somehow I felt the little tug in me saying "Hey there he is!" compelling me to catch your attention somehow. Each time I go over to Jieming's room, the first room I look out for when I walk down the stairs isn't his. Probably he never really noticed my extra little effort in showing my more feminine character, or could be I was still holding back. From then I felt we made progress inch by inch. The care and concern start exceed the boundaries of a friend. And I didn't back off at his advancements like used to with other guys. It gave me that assurance I'm finally in view of the person I've been keeping my heart in for so long.
On Saturday, I somehow made the decision to 'test water'. I wanted to know if he felt the same way as I am. I grew dependent on him. I kept his attention on me the best I could. Maybe I really didn't have to do that but I was uncertain. We sat down alone at a corner in Newsroom Bar. I was completely sober. He put his arms around my shoulders but I didn't the least bit felt wrong about anything. Instead I chose to just let myself be cuddled, to feel safe with him. The dancefloor didn't attract me one bit. My eyes were fixated on him the whole night. We finally took our chance and talked about our situation. I agreed we should take things slowly. I need to be guided and I feel he's going to be the one to do so. It may be still difficult for me to say 'yes' immediately right now but only because I'm afraid I may not be good enough.
Whatever others say don't bother, I'll do my part to learn to be a good partner. I just hope Leon will hold on to me tight on this journey 'cause I'm afraid I'll lose my way.