Living the dream

Seems like a dream. In fact I'm still adjusting to the fact that it's reality this time. A month ago I was still having this major crush on Ed, now I'm halfway on the road with another. I can't say he's just any other guy. He's probably the first guy I really took notice of from the day I stepped into hall. I admit the looks played a part. (Hey, be realistic who wouldn't give a cute guy a second glance? Especially when you're still single at the age of 19?) Pretty upset when I found out he was with another girl then, especially someone I didn't really grow to like very much. Probably that was why I deviated my attention elsewhere. That was when Ed came into view. All the things I thought was fate, probably was paving the journey for friendship but I chose to take it in another sense. In any case, my crush on Ed has proven to be another puppy love, self-imaginary situation. We'll probably grow to be very good friends, talk to and listen to each other when we face problems.
Actually I had the same feeling as he did. During that night of the NTU Band concert at VCH, I feel the tingle I used to feel when I first saw him. And somehow I felt the little tug in me saying "Hey there he is!" compelling me to catch your attention somehow. Each time I go over to Jieming's room, the first room I look out for when I walk down the stairs isn't his. Probably he never really noticed my extra little effort in showing my more feminine character, or could be I was still holding back. From then I felt we made progress inch by inch. The care and concern start exceed the boundaries of a friend. And I didn't back off at his advancements like used to with other guys. It gave me that assurance I'm finally in view of the person I've been keeping my heart in for so long.
On Saturday, I somehow made the decision to 'test water'. I wanted to know if he felt the same way as I am. I grew dependent on him. I kept his attention on me the best I could. Maybe I really didn't have to do that but I was uncertain. We sat down alone at a corner in Newsroom Bar. I was completely sober. He put his arms around my shoulders but I didn't the least bit felt wrong about anything. Instead I chose to just let myself be cuddled, to feel safe with him. The dancefloor didn't attract me one bit. My eyes were fixated on him the whole night. We finally took our chance and talked about our situation. I agreed we should take things slowly. I need to be guided and I feel he's going to be the one to do so. It may be still difficult for me to say 'yes' immediately right now but only because I'm afraid I may not be good enough.
Whatever others say don't bother, I'll do my part to learn to be a good partner. I just hope Leon will hold on to me tight on this journey 'cause I'm afraid I'll lose my way.