Depression

I figured I don't have to worry about what others may think when they read my blog, since no one since to be reading it anyway. So here comes the complaining I've been holding back...

1. The jie meis no longer feel as close as before. Everyone seems to be having their own things and own best friends already. In fact I feel it's just me that's been left out. Feel as if I'm out of the circle just because I've been in a different uni and the friends we've been mixing are all different. Hurts more when I knew about them going for shopping, coffee or even overseas trips, with common friends from secondary or JC without being asked. It may seem a little blowing-out-of-proportion but I guess it all because of the feeling of losing close friends. Everything seems a little larger than usual. I'm just sad thinking that in the future I'll be working and when I knock off there's only home to return to. No girls' night out or gathering to ramble about office politics or the cute guy you met over lunch. Sigh.

2. Went for a surprise birthday party organised for a close friend, talked about lots of things with old friends. Realised I've drifted very far from many of them. Suits me since I was never very close to them previously. But missed some of them, the closer ones. We were so polite and careful with our words it felt distant. But it was most saddening when I realised none of them remembered my birthday. They were discussing about the next birthdays to celebrate and it clean slipped their minds. Well blame it that yourself, girl. You've never really found a place in their cliques anyway.

3. Came back from a night out with my dear. Kinda disappointing day out. Not that I didn't wanna see him or that he did something wrong. He's so tired from work he wasn't exactly making any effort to seem like he's enjoying time with me. I felt like I was wasting his time being out with me when he could be back home sleeping. Heart-breaking. There's nothing I could do anyway, I could only tell him You'll understand next semester. Sigh squared.

4. My prof is completely irritating. Emailed him regarding my absence from the quiz due to my interview on Tuesday. The academic sub-dean couldn't approve the leave 'cause the interview was from a self-sourced company, so I emailed him back to ask how I'm suppose to make up for it and even forwarded to email from the company for his verification. Not a single reply from Wednesday until now. If he's just gonna flunk me for it at least let me know beforehand. Damn it.

5. Can't decide what phone I wanna get for myself. This is kinda funny 'cause I'm complaining about myself, being indecisive. Functionality, simplicity or aesthetic value? Irritatingly fickled mind.

6. For once can I keep something to myself? The Swatch watch deal was supposed to be a personal thing, to get a pair of nice, presentable watches for my dear and myself. I had to let my friends find out and open my big mouth about the insider news. Almost got into an argument with my dear about troubling his friends. It wasn't exactly an argument, since it was my fault in the first place. Another complaint about myself. For goodness sake, can I please reflect upon myself and change all these countless flaws? Sighs to power of infinity.

So many disappointing things in life how should I deal with them?