Here's my update for you, SiaoWen! Anyway I sound happy because I feel wanted and noticed that someone actually wants to know what's happening in my life. Makes me feel important and worthy of my existence. Actually been in the dumps these recent few weeks due to many kinds of reasons. Dealing with many kinds of changes and personally I don't like them, well at least those that I'm experiencing currently. Let's start with my main focus of life now, studies. Hasn't been easy adjusting to the new semester. Modules are getting harder and harder to understand and help is getting lesser and lesser. I don't blame the system of leaving us to solve our own problems. Just that I feel incompetent to take on this phase of my studying life. I'm taking a freaking 26AUs semester, inclusive of a 6hours lab session each week. On top of that I'm currently required to source for my IA company with a deadline of less than 2 weeks. How the hell am I suppose to get a response from the company so soon?! DEMAND a response? Crazy administration.
Anyway the 2nd thing that has been bothering me is life in hall. Feeling more and more redundant in hall. It's like my presence doesn't make a difference anymore. It's as if my involvement in hall activities is hindering the passing on of the torch, the hogging on to authority and responsibilities. Don't they understand that it's a difficult choice we are making by letting go? It's a choice we may regret not taking some years later. It's our 3rd year, and unofficially our last year of involvement in any major hall events as organisers, following that it'll be FYP, graduation and working life starts. We'll never get a chance again to organise these big scale events on the basis of pure interest and with such allowance for learning. Working life is not for learning, mistakes are strongly penalised and you'll be severely judged for every action and word. Maybe I sound pessimistic, but at least I'll be prepared for a worst case senario anytime. Anyway I still haven't found my answer for whether my involvement is beneficial or an obstacle, to what we apparently aim for, to continuity? If anyone knows please kindly enlighten me, if not this will only end up in isolating myself and eventually drifting away and forgetting why I enjoyed hall so much previously.
Last, but certainly not the least important, is my personal life. In fact it should be of utmost concern of the different changes I'm experiencing. It's weird being in a people-filled hall, but when it comes to dinner time, you've never felt lonelier. It's not that friends are not around but you just feel the absence of people important to you. Well in my case HE's missing. It's a void I can't help feeling after (erm...) almost 1 year plus of hall life with him around all the time. To say that life goes on isn't wrong, but the feeling of having his company almost every day as compared to phonecalls and smses are just unmatchable. Here I am caught in a dilemma of letting him know his absence makes a difference to my life and not making worry about whether I'm able to adjust well. The matter is worsen when I'm made to seem like the insensitive and self-centered one. The feeling is not restricted to just him, as in it's being insensitive to any other person around us. Often than not, we end up in unpleasant situation over people or matter totally irrelevant to us. Hurt in there but who will know how much it does? A simple event that we both hold dear to because of very similar reasons, can be the spark of a very heated discussion. How can something with so many beautiful memories for us cause so much dispute between us as well? I don't understand. I guess why take the hard road when I had to do was to let go, give up and all my problems now will be over.
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