A boring new year's day. Slept the morning away. Watched TV the entire afternoon. What a relaxing day! Boring but relaxing, at least I was energetic enough to watch 8 episodes of Naruto. Nice, just finished episode 12. Slow but who cares as long as I enjoy it. Haha, had a good laugh. Never felt so good, truly good, in weeks. This is going to be a good year. 2005, a year of changes, good ones. Just you watch out! A new me's on the way!
Yesterday night had to be one of the best nights for me. Had a good chat with Ed. He seemed so much more cheerful these few days and somehow it rubs off me. I don't know if i deliberately make myself feel as he does or does it just occur unintentionally. I spoke so much last night I don't know if I overdid it. He said the more he talked to me the more he thinks my looks and character don't match. My character is like those shy shy little girl, but I appear very active and bold and energetic. I don't know if it's something good or bad, having such an extreme difference between character and portrayal. I'll work my way around that. You ,on the other hand, appear insensitive to the happenings around but in fact you care. Too much, actually. So much you think excessively about them, constantly putting yourself in a position where you brood over them and get overly attached emotionally. You said you want to appear bo-chup, I think you are just trying to hide the fact that you care. To protect that ego. There's nothing wrong with that, I have an ego myself that's why the split personality. But wouldn't it be nice if you could just let it go? Open up. I wouldn't mind if it wasn't me, but I would be happy enough to know that you are. I'm looking to love, not to be loved in return. Always been the case. like how Faye Wong puts it in her song. 你快乐所以我快乐。I'm happy because you are. It rubs off. I feel I'm getting to know you better to. I hope I'm right.
Angels up there, please bless this lost boy with the many worries rested on his shoulders. Shower him with the happiness that he yearns deep down. He may not have to express it openly but please as long as deep inside he is will be sufficient for me. I do not need to know it, but let him feel the blessing. That's my wish for the new year. Bless my fairy god-daddy for you are my wish for 2005 and hopefully in the years to come.
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