Dethroned.

Second time I'm blogging from the hall's computer room. Sitting here still deciding if I should be waiting for someone for near 3 hours. It's weird that I know I'm being slighted, yet I'm letting it happen to me. Sounds dumb to sit around, loiter around for 2 hours, right? But that's what I'm doing now exactly, if not I'll have long been on the train back home already.

It just been an awfully depressing day, so much that I wish to cry now. But since I'm not exactly alone in the room, suppression is the only way. I feel like such a loner, coming and going alone. It's not independence, I like to call it lack of human relations. I walk to class without a person to sit with, and leave not having anyone to wait for. I stand in the train full of strangers and I return home to an empty house. What have I done to my life? It wasn't like this before. There are friends around, but not those that will go "Hey, where's cynner?" I was just plain forgotten.

Sometimes I feel like a major irritant, getting the shoo-offs and oh-my-god-why-is-she-here. All I know is that I put up a facade of a strong independent new-age woman, yet I lack that self-esteem to really pull it through. I suck. Big time. And yes, I'm still undecided and waiting.